Box Of Shit

Thanks for the box of shit Jericho. Christmas came late this year.

This arrived a couple days ago. Since I actually have a job, I couldn’t be home to receive the package. And since the post office operates only during hours where most productive citizens are at work, I had to sit outside the postoffice and call in late for work to receive the fucking thing.

As you can see, it was clearly fucking worth it.

It came with a lovely DVD player remote, the kind that comes with the $36.99 walmart DVD players. I’ve always kept mine for fear of someday needing the damned things. Jericho’s solution to “Donate” the fucking things is a far greater idea. I’m thinking of sending mine to the next Postal victim.

Speaking of which, why couldn’t he fucking send this shit off to some postal victim. I guess I’m just reading this wrong. Well, in thinking more of it, I most certainly am reading this wrong…

Included in the care package were 6 rubbers. There’s a hidden message here I just wasn’t initially picking up one. I believe it is as follows

  1. Let’s get drunk (bottlecaps)
  2. Turn me on (remote)
  3. And screw… (rubbers)
  4. And screw… (more rubbers)
  5. Cleanup (swab)
  6. Cuddle on the Couch and watch Season 1 of Sex in the City (remote again)
  7. Screw… (yep, rubbers)
  8. Get some late nite chinese (fortune cookie)
  9. and screw

I suspect this phone cord is a bondage proposition. Which doesn’t really surprise me in the least considering what a slave driver he is.

I counted every bottlecap. 41. I suspect there was a message there, but 28 bottlecaps fell out of the loosely taped box in transit. The keychain/finger cuffs is most CERTAINLY a sexual proposition.

Regardless, it’s nice to receive mail. Even if it’s a box of crap. Could have been ziplocked catshit, so I guess I made out OK this year.