Current Attrition Staff
Current Attrition Staff |
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The attrition.org staff have been called everything from a "hacker gang" to "hate mongers" to a "computer crime advocacy group" and even an FBI front. We have even been accused of being part of a global conspiracy to track down hundreds of thousands of Central Americans and throw them into concentration camps in the event of a U.S. invasion of Nicaragua.
No, we are not a hacker gang. We are not (always) hate mongers. We are not an FBI front, nor anything else industry charlatans like to call us. We are hedonists, sick little monkeys, and the people your mothers warned you about. We probably do hate you like people hate us, but not necessarily. Flip a coin and find out, ya dumb smack. Unfortunately, we cannot comment on the Nicaragua thing right now... at least not until the fourteenth bi-partisan Senate Panel Investigation concludes. And if we were to spill the beans, we've been told our black helicopter flight time privileges would be revoked. As you can guess, that isn't condusive to low altitude fly-bys and harassing low-sanity wackos. (We always arrive at con in style.)
We'd like to take the time to give special thanks to the Air Force for running the first ever "High Flying Stealth Banner Advertisement Campaign" and using the Attrition name to beta the new program! In more recent news, Attrition has entered a business relationship with Area 51 to test one of their new aircraft. While most of the project is classified, we were able to publish a photo showing the primary use of the new technology. Farmers and bovines beware.
Jericho: Security curmudgeon, squirrel whisperer, helicopter pilot, lighter thief, HTML simpleton,
cat herder, guinea pig relationship specialist, Captain ASCII, and obsessive compulsive TV game show participant. Known for inadvertently getting his ex-girlfriend interrogated
by the FBI, the t-shirt that reads "chicks hate me" can be traced back to him. He once took a year of Latin because he
heard that chicks really dig guys who are cunning linguists. Famous exploits include: running black ops out of such discreet
locations as a Jack in the Box in Phoenix, AZ, war-dialing 911 backdoors, and uttering the words "my butt hurts after doing
that for him." Now living about 5,280 feet above sea level, jericho spends quiet evenings at home sniffing glue, taunting
pictures of cats on the internet, and rubbing himself in peanut butter. Pigeons, chinchillas, meerkats, pot bellied pigs, dwarf goats, and miniature donkeys (aka "a little ass") currently frolick in his spare bedroom,
much like a "Winnie The Pooh" book gone horribly, horribly wrong. To this day, he continues to look for patterns
in guinea pig's behavior. Unknown to many, he occasionally takes on roles in
films such as Lord of the Rings. He's the anal-retentive one. | jericho(at)attrition.org
Minister Lyger: Official attrition.org historian since 2005, because Jericho can't even remember if he swallowed the blue pill, the red pill, or the laxative.
Founder of the "Men's Hooters" petition, Lyger and hot wings go hand in hand, usually when his hand isn't down his pants.
Professional breeder of toy dogs for celebrities and Comega, he sends the rejects off to Asia for large food chains such as McDonalds. In his spare time
away from dogs and chickens, Lyger can be found updating the contents of /dev/random, various web
pages, and spamming other attrition members offering his patent pending formula for penis enlargement
involving duct tape and fireworks. If you ever need /etc rm'd in a fast and efficient manner, he's definitely your grandpa.
Lyger is the first Certified Polygraph Examiner to pass the test without a machine, instead relying
solely on smell and taste. The world didn't end on December 21, 2012 because he updated everyone's glibc packages and caused all of their plans to fail. Didn't quit the
industry because *it* sucks, he quit because *you* suck. Hold his beer, he's the serious one.
| lyger(at)attrition.org
d2d: Never one to back away from a challenge, d2d finds "special pleasure" in honing his DIBOL, REBOL, COBOL, SPITBOL, and SNOBOL
skills for his bareback acrobatic fetish porn website. Self proclaimed "MAsshole", he has extreme patience on long car
trips; he absolutely refuses to throw small children out the window unless speeds exceed 85 mph. He enjoys the effects of
eating cottage cheese after a long night of binge drinking and competition edging. Generally incoherent, d2d often has a few moments of
enlightenment while asking his "girlfriend" to commit exotic acts such as Google searches for "Solaris hardware" and
braiding his back hair. Never snoozes, never loses, always cruises, and causes bruises, especially if you threaten to take away his gimp mask after long weeks of using it on his nub.
If a solution is too simple, he's the first one to make it much more complex, often in Ruby. Banned from competitive
backgammon, he's the awesome one.
| d2d(at)attrition.org
Cancer Omega: Computer Systems Specialist / Security Advisor. Also known as "The Grand Old Man of attrition.org"
and the "Network Chinchilla." Cancer gave new meaning to the word
'0wn3d.' He didn't get carded when he buys weed, crack, booze, smokes, or fruit so we paid to keep
him around. When we got in trouble for anything, we pointed at cOmega and said, "He made us do it."
Cancer came to us from a successful career of Slender Loris racing in Karnataka as well
as a long heritage in marketing Quinceañera dresses (where do you think McIntyre got
his?). Previous to his career as a Network "pitbull", he led such uprisings
as the "Eastern Coffee Riot" and several other more 'personal' wars in undisclosed locations.
Cancer was voted, "Most likely to be a threat to National Security." Some people worry about
the "Digital Pearl Harbor" while he was more concerned about the Digital Hiroshima. His
idea of compassion was shooting morons with smaller caliber bullets. During his last
shootout, police said "Come out, you're surrounded!" He replied, "I'm not surrounded, I just have more targets now!"
Cancer was in therapy for his habitual stalking of Kim Jong-un and death threats against Osama bin Laden. Cancer's
life philosophy was best summed up as: "Kiss my Irish Republican ass, you Leftist puke."
He's the armed and dangerous one.
| comega(at)attrition.org
mauvehed: Hater of CyberSecurity, Troll, and Shenanigator, in no particular order. Youngest of the Attrition staff (still diaper-training). Almost as crotchety as Jericho, but without an actual crotch. His
official full-time position at Attrition.org is harassing everyone on Attrition staff except Lyger, and getting assigned more work for it. A recovering soberist, his poison of choice is the tears and other bodily fluids of DEF
CON Humans. For some ridiculous reason his career took a turn for the better when he became a Promotional Mascot for non-testicular men, he says he's "been having a ball". It's been downhill ever since. He is
currently considering a career move to squirrel herder or Las Vegas dancer, which ever one bites more. When he says "you'll love it", the rest of the staff run away shrieking. Some people have FOMO, mauvehed has FML since that
gardening accident that took his testicles. Oh, and he has a love/hate relationship with GoDaddy; he hates to love them. Please email him and ask how his ballet lessons are going. He's the spiky one.|
mauvehed(at)attrition.org - Ping him on Twitter!
Martums: Definitely the shy one. Fifteen years later he was too timid to ask for promotion from intern and was apparently still searching for 'pico'. Executive research assistant, typo detectvie, and our
court-appointed shrink, we go to him when we need a shoulder to cry on, lick, or puke on. He's been banned from seven Canadian support groups but has faith his eighth will accept him since it is over Zoom and he never turns the
camera on unless his pants are off or being worn up to his armpits. When he isn't watching Rom-Coms or re-runs of Phil Donahue (he cries during both), you can probably find him putting finishing touches on his erotic dance
routine set to the theme of the A-Team. Vice President and Spokesperson of the 'Fainting Couch Revolution', his life-long mission to bring back both opportunistic fainting as well as fainting couches is admirable. The only staff
member that isn't routinely picked out of the line for "additional screening", you would not believe what we can smuggle up his bum. Sometimes he doesn't realize it either. Once he got into a "polite contest" with a Canadian
Mountie... and won, but subsequently lost to a Canadian Moose during rutting. Holder of 93 patents around Camelid husbandry, he plans to cash in and retire in sixty years to live a mediocre life, only to die a day later. A
47-year old virgin and 20-year intern, he's the clean-cut one. | martums(at)attrition.org
Mal Vu: our resident hostile woman and most dangerous piece of software alive. Wanted by the FBI in 53 states and seventeen countries,
(FBI Code Name: Malibu), she currently enjoys dual citizenship in Zimbabwe and Mexico
dealing small arms to wannabe terrorists, lepers, and fellow lesbians. Just
getting started in computers, Mal_vu enjoys her Atari 2600. Voted '1998 Sparc Bitch,' Mal_vu thinks Sun machines are "kinda cute." Star of 251 porn
movies, the last being "My TCL Throbs for You", she is one of the most active porn queens of the 00's. Oh, she is also fully Y2K compliant.
Mal is known for reversing polarity and blowing fuses. There isn't a WANG big enough for her. Most of the Attrition staff bear deep welts on their
backs and walk funny as proof of her tender mercies. She's rarely the submissive one. | malvu@fbi.gov
Minister APATHETIC LUCIDITY (Apacid): Admin, DNS slut, and resident breeder. In his case, DNS stands for "Does Not Sudo", as he only gains root privileges by exploiting bugs in 'gimp', 'ls', or 'figlet'. Still prefers to admin boxes via 1200 baud dialup, usually from Carl's Crab Shack over a plate of tasty claws, as a daily nostalgia trip. Time permitting, he home brews beer with his own purified urine, citing an academic study Modify made up in 1994. Apacid's idea of "cloud computing" is his Altair in a room with a smoke machine, lava lamp, and a llama. One of his long time passions is reviewing potato skins from upscale restaurants; his extensive collection of reviews is still looking for a home. Skilled in the art of neurotic massage, let his fingers do the talking, if he isn't neglecting us in favor of his pet rock, Gertrude. He's the systematic one.
CJI: While occasionally known as the "master of disaster", cji has also recently been seen in the "master of plaster" position, grasping for KISS and Van Halen groupies. His long term career aspirations involve auditing hot dog stands for 'PCI irregularities', improving health standards for pinto bean distribution and/or making Ted Bundy look like a "raging cuckold". In cji's spare time, he practices "dag-nasty" evil, bass guitar, XSSing his own user page and continental style knitting with dental floss. To supplement his day job income, he frequently works as a model for Walmart's boy shirt catalog. cji is very fond of soup ... on a stick. When bored, cji finds himself counting the asterisks in the system cron files and various * we*b * pa**ges. He's our token Mexican.
MCINTYRE: Attrition pretty boy and face man. Official PR goon and crazy enough to get married. Winner of the 1998 'Endowed' award, he returned it after comparing himself to a skink in his back yard. When asked if he wants to go to bed, he usually answers, "No thanks, I'm not tired." Early on in life he took a trip to Alaska a 98 pound otter but came back a 180 pound bear. His hobbies include eyebrow plucking, catbox 'hacking', and breaking most general nuisance laws. The last law he was caught breaking (and fined for), was "no playing slot machines in outhouses". Las Vegas police take that law very seriously apparently. In previous lives, Mcintyre was burned for witchcraft, hung for treason, and ridiculed for his pineapple fetish. Mcintyre was previously known as 'GrandSpin MacDaddy' and holds the 1997 US Breakdancing Open title. Mcintyre is also proud to take home the silver medal in the 1998 East Coast Butt Dart tournament. His habit of passing out drunk is augmented with our habit of stuffing candy in his pockets and selling bats to neighborhood kids. He tends to wake up remembering a single word, 'piñata'. Some people crack RC5, he cracks skulls. He was kicked off staff for adding two spaces after periods; we're still cleaning up that act of terrorism fifteen years later. He's the diplomatic one.
MUNGE: Admin, manwhore, perl bitch, and sushi lover. Conisseur of '3/2' beer, munge takes his weak beer quite seriously. 1997 champion of U.S. Muskrat racing and winner of several blooper awards. He likes taking yearly trips to Utah for continuing Mormon research. Programs in GW Basic, TMMLP, and Apple Logo when not learning ancient chinese scripture. Has lead such endeavors as the 1999 Crusade of Caldera in which he attempted to force Caldera Linux on everyone in retaliation for it being forced onto him. In high school, he was voted 'Most Likely to Impregnate Himself' (and they were right). Self confessed buy-sexual, he will pay you for sexual pleasure.. snail mail him now. Unknown to many, Munge was the actor that played 'Donatello' in the popular Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. Munge used to update Attrition from Libya on days that end in 'Y'. Don't be a dingleberry, this guy's legit. He's the confused one.
MODIFY: Small arms dealer and part time mob henchman. He's been putting the 'mo' in his 'diffy' for years now. Plus he has a damn purty mouth. Remember those 'Velvet Elvis' paintings they used to sell at gas stations? Modify found his future in them after dropping InfoSec, establishing "Mod's House of Velvet" (not to be confused with Lionel's Vinyl Showroom or Vern's House of Vinyl). He offers franchising opportunity, snail mail him now. He is a rare and unique individual, one always sacrificing small chickens for the cause. He is now working on his fourth book titled "I'm a Round Peg in a Square Society." This book follows his highly successful third novel titled "My Own Labotomy". His hobbies include plausible deniability, blacked-out vans, contingency plans, and secret operations that generally entail three red-headed coeds and a case of lime Jell-O. When asked about his involvement with the mass abduction of various monkeys from national zoos, he only replied "I like heroin." Just like Jericho used to, Modify now spends much of his time casting Shock of Frost on skeletons and large bats. He occasionally meets his death at the hands of a pathetic DeathFist Orc Pawn. He's the subversive one.
PUNKIS: Security consultant, AVN award winner, and attrition whipping-boy (someone's got to do it). His life's ambition is to own and operate a roadside vegetable stand and be abused by Karens, all of whom want to speak to his manager. His hobbies include poot-lighting, prison correspondence, and burning a hole in the ozone. Be careful, bring garlic (it will help deaden the pain on your nose). Please don't ask why his cat can't eat out of the left side of her mouth. His wee-wee was a stunt double in the critically-acclaimed "Boogie Nights". His personality was a stunt double for Leonardo DiCaprio in "Titanic" (we don't know where that boy went wrong...) Punkis is currently working on his Ph.D on Frog Biology. The working title of his thesis is "Are Frog's Asses Really Water Tight?" During Defcon 7, he was voted #1 in the wet t-shirt contest. The runner-up was a side of ham. Punkis goes kookoo for cocoa puffs. He is almost done with his development on a ROT13 Encryption brute forcer. He was recently found wandering the Los Angeles basin with a rubber glove on his head repeating "elcispop taem a ma i". He's the hardcore one.
NULL: The brains of this outfit, Null is fluent in Esperanto, Coptic, Klingonese, Latin, and fourteen other languages. Our official spel-cheker, Null is responsible for social engineering Webster into adding 539 "words" into their dictionary including 'sphygmomanometer', 'tintinnabulation', 'cuchifrito', and 'cremaster' ...and so on. Muscle-bound, crewcut-sporting, card-carrying member of the Hetero Arkansas White Trash Association (HAWTA). Collector of S&M gear, Null has a riding crop for every occasion not occuring in a bedroom. Author of the 'Coffee Table Guide to the Glory Holes of New Orleans', Null plans to turn it into a documentary focusing on Kansas City and Detroit next. Voted "most likely to kidnap lawn ornaments" in middle school. In the spare time, Null is a stunt double for Rodney Dangerfield and Danny Glover. Null is the one that makes us proud, and scared.
SIODA: Pronounced "Sheeee-it eh?", Sioda comes to Attrition from a long line of subversive capybara tamer clans in Ireland. A latecomer to Attrition staff, Sioda was busy finishing her fourth book "101 Alternate Uses of a Wine Bottle" while consistantly providing new content to several magazines including 'Self Inflicted Bondage', 'Bitter Home and Gardening', as well as 'Goat Fancy'. Banned from 167 conventions across the U.S. and 14 in Guam, Sioda tends to consider most trade professionals "ignorant scum looking for a free toy". Sioda was voted 'Most Likely to Benefit From Blunt Force Head Trauma.' A frequent guest on the TV show 'COPS', Sioda tends to disagree with anyone in a position of authority, hence her frequent arguments with DNS systems. She thinks all software should work without needing documentation, except for one 'man' page with an ascii kitten. Sioda is the impatient one.
Cupcake: WHERE'S THe !#@$! GRAPHICS ALREADY?!? And no NFT art dammit.
