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A Photographic History of Michael Jackson's Face
With blithering, yet witty commentary
1979 age 21

Hard to believe - this was Michael Jackson. He was born August 28, 1958 - one of 9 kids. His father reportedly nicknamed him "Big Nose".

Mike was born a cute African-American guy. "Normal", if you will, and very talented. Despite the current, sad stories about his lonely, sad childhood, Mike grew up surrounded by famous people and an adoring public. At age 5, Mike and his brothers were the amazing 'Jackson 5'. They played locally, then in New York and Philly. They were "discovered" by Gladys Knight and pianist Billy Taylor at the famous Apollo Theater in Harlem. By age 11, Mike was a Superstar. At age 13 he went solo and had his first #1 hit at 14 with "Ben" (a touching love song to a rat). Who knew he'd get addicted to plastic surgery, face accusations of child molestation and end up America's Most Famous Sideshow?

1984 age 26

Mike gets his nose slightly narrowed and his eyebrows shaped. This was his "Thriller" Era and he was smokin'. People did notice this facial change and commented on it - guys just didn't do this back then.
Some in the Black community made comments about him having a problem with his African-American
looks and making his nose more "White". H
e was cute as hell, though. Oh, baby. He gave coherent interviews. He had a cute sense of humor and was seen on TV doing other things besides whining, faking tears and defending legal charges. He didn't wear a face mask in public. He smiled a big, infectious smile. He was humble and grateful for his fame and his fans' appreciation. He made hit after hit, celebrated music videos one after another, sealed obscenely huge record sales and contracts. He had unprecedented $ponsorship deals with Pepsi, and LA Gear Sportwear. People stood in line at 1AM to purchase "Thriller" when it came out, even though the store didn't open until 9 AM.

1985 age 27

  • The shark music from "Jaws" starts softly in the background...

Another nose job to narrow things and permanent eyeliner tattooed around his eyes. Ouch! Is that lipstick?! Hell, it's the 80s - it's allowed. During that time he had an army of spin doctors, lawyers, bodyguards, agents, minions, PR magicians, attendants, and managers all making sure he no one had a clue about his personal life but what did we care? He was doing amazing, selfless things - contributing to children's charities and starting his own "Heal The World Foundation"; cowriting the famous "We Are The World" song to help African famine victims. He was given the Heritage Award and praised by Queen Liz, President Reagan and others. Mike was everywhere, giving as much as he got and letting us all know how blessed he was. There was no one who wasn't impressed and didn't sprain an ankle trying to imitate his "Moon Walk" in their living room.

Almost, but not quite,
The Rock Horror Show

1987 age 29

  • The Sigourney Weaver in "Ghostbusters" Stage - The beginning of the end.
OK, people and the press are really talking now. Gasps are audibly heard. He gets his nose done again, and, in a move that will forever baffle the world, neglects to sue the bastard who botched the surgery job on him. He suddenly has cheek bones. In a mere year and a half his skin's gone from beautiful cocoa bronze to fish belly white. He first denies this, then blames it on the medical condition Vitiligo which causes people of color to develop light patches of skin that lack pigment. Well he doesn't say this, his "people" say this. Mike ain't saying a thing which is odd considering the good he could do to bring this little understood condition to public light. Rumors abound that he's been allegedly taking female hormones (note the clever use of the word "allegedly" to avoid a law suit) to remove facial hair and keep that voice of his at the 12 year old boy pitch. He's talking in a Marilyn Monroe Little Girl Whisper. He's started the Spin of the misunderstood, picked-upon Victim instead of an increasingly weird 30 year old man. He's creepy. People are making jokes that only in America can you be born a black man and end up a white woman. Talented or no, the fact is we're realizing that Michael Has Issues.

1991 age 32

  • The "LaToilet" stage
In an insult to transvestite men everywhere - who can look pretty damn good in a dress and makeup and can project alluring female charm - when Mike does this, he doesn't even have the decency to stop grabbing his crotch every 1.0045 seconds and allowing that image for us. His skin is getting lighter still even though it's supposedly already been lightened (or not...who do you believe? Him or his PR people?). His public antics are presented weekly, as are his new lip colors. He should pick a damn color and stick with it already. Eyebrows were whittled down to Joan Crawford peaks. He now has an interesting, manly cleft in his chin and a dropped, square jawline. The joke was that he was really his sister LaToya - you notice you never saw them in the same room together? He gets his nose done again and now sports little teeny triangles for nostrils and a sharp razor ridge you could grate cheese on. Popular opinion is he "fucked it up". He defends himself in the press by asking why people make such a Thang out of it... a lot of people get a little nose work done! and it's not national news! Sheesh already! Can't you leave him alone?! He's got a skin disease! (although having Vitilgo has nothing to do with having nonstop plastic surgery). He had a bad childhood! He's a nice person! He recycles his plastics! Even people in his 'camp' are publicly saying the man's elevator isn't going to the top floor anymore.

LaToya. I think

1993 age 34
  • The "Judy Jetson"/Flying Monkey look..and the year It all began..
He messed with it all again. Current Color: toilet paper pink. Cheeks: Squirrel socking nuts away for the winter. Reportedly the tip of his nose is so damaged from the operations that the tissue has died, and he's now wearing a fake prothesis tip. (Ya think? ). This unnecessary and seemingly nonstop alteration has passed into the realm of "self-mutilation" and when the shocking news of child molestation charges come to light, it's the last straw for his sponsors Pepsi, LA Gear and others who cancel his contracts. The public, who forgave his mounting eccentricities because of his incredible talents nod in silence about it all, unsurprised. Most remark that someone with this going on visibly outside has to have a lot of demons going on inside. In his defense, Mike launches his second career as Whining, Weeping, Hurt, Offended, Innocent Victim. Like being instantly on the verge of tears at any legit question he wants to avoid is also "normal".
Ms. Judy Jetson

1997 age 38

Bizarro Michael

  • The "Alcoholic Housewife" look...

... didn't catch on either. Even the staunch defenders of Michael's sanity have to admit the boy's cheese has slid off his cracker. Mike gets a fake chin implant and suddenly loses his cleft chin, the sides of his face are stretched taut, his nose isn't pointing North anymore and it's anyone's guess what the hell he did to his skin this time. The Art of Cosmetology seems to be an unknown science in his part of the world and he's getting his face done at the local morgue. He has new lipstick (my shade Mike..cool!) and jokes abound that he's turned into Diana Ross. He is a ghoul and seems to be a sick puppy with all this stuff he's done to himself and his bizarre antics in public. Each photo that shows up in the coming years never fails to make people's jaws drop. Mike gets worked up saying he doesn't see why everyone but him can have a little nip and tuck on the nose but let him go have a tiny bit and BOY O BOY it's National News. ::fake sob!:: He doesn't think he looks that different and wishes people would leave him alone. We wish he'd leave his face alone.

Bizarro Superman

1999 age 41
  • The Batman Period - Holy Joker!
New chin again. Nose again. New cheeks. Smaller jaw. The Bizarro angles gone. The gaunt look is replaced by rounder fluff. This would all be amusing as Theater except this is how he's walking around, every day, pretending this is all perfectly normal. The weirdest thing is people act like it is. I mean, you never see photos of Mike dragging the usual 3 or 4 little boys around with him, at some awards show and see people in the background throwing up. Rumor has it he transplanted some pubic hair to his jaw to try to make a Goatee in an attempt to butch up , but the thought is too repulsive to dwell on.
Of course that's just Tabloid fodder.
The Joker

2000 age 41

  • The Japanese Anime Cartoon Guy period

Oh, this isn't looking good...a Goatee! Suddenly his jaw is an inch longer. He got his eyes pulled so tight he looks Oriental and they've ceased to line up properly. His lips have a hint of that lizard-lock smile you see on people who have overdone the facelifts. Good thing Japanese Anime cartoons are taking the US by storm so this is kind of fashionable. Hey, if you plaster the make up on enough, you can make anyone look good. A new fad are the "Glamor Shot" Stores, where women plop down huge amounts of $$$ to have technicians professionally do their make-up, hair. Photography experts professionally light them and transform the package into a drop dead gorgeous, stunning New You and take photograph evidence that it was actually managed. Everyday women are transformed into sensual, perfect creatures. Because of this It hits us that this is the trick Michael's been using in all those perfect professional photos we see of him! You mean all those photos of him are retouched?! Say it ain't so! When he's caught in public it's quite a different matter. And ack! Is that pubic hair?

2001 age 42

  • What Ever Happened To Baby Mike?
My, my.. where does one start? Here is Michael at the age of 42 with his wrecked face and apparently no makeup. Gone the artistry of the airbrush, wizardry of make up artists and the kind, magic lighting of studio crafted reality. You can see the rumored (please note inventive use of word "rumored" to avoid a law suit...) fake-nose-tip-prothesis hanging off as well as the scars. The thin little beak nose of 1997 seems to have expanded once again. It's hard to see a human being in there, and it's amazing there are plastic surgeons who can mutilate someone like this and sleep at night. I wish I had $1 for every ranting "fan" who's accused me of altering this photo or airbrushing/faking the photos on this page. I tell them that's called "getting sued to oblivion" ", if it were true on my part. All these photos are from fan or "official" web sites or major publications and can be obtained by anyone willing to use a search engine for an hour or two. Information on Mike's face, his sugeries, his bizarre personal and public actions and the words of people who have stopped covering for him fill ten of thousands of web sites.
Bette Davis in
"Whatever Happened
to Baby Jane"
a great, creepy movie

Jan 2002 age 43

  • The "Black Lagoon" phase
Big news brings Michael out of his Howard Hughes-like life and back into the spotlight when he charges his record company, Sony, is "racist". That's why his "Invinsible" CD sold 2 million copies; Sony didn't promote him enough. He sez. We all get to gasp anew and ask the question - WTF?! Seems he's had his nose fixed,,,WHEW! and just got out of bed. As it is reported in the news it seems a bridge was built to widen the nasal passages. "Thank God!" the headlines say. Poor thing probably couldn't breathe! with those teensy bitty nostrils. Oh How Nice For Him! Perhaps his singing will improve, since his last album was 70 minutes of hiccups, grunts, fake crying and yips. One has to wonder why, with all his money, he can't seem to find plastic surgeons who are capable of actually doing plastic surgery. The "fixed" bridge appears as two lumpy lines and not what say, just for the sake of argument, a plastic surgeon might put in someone's face to create a nose bridge. Maybe this is a new trend in Breath-Rite Strip implants? One wonders what those Jutting Gill Bumps were on the sides of his jaw in 1997. Mike ruins his symmetry schtick with mismatched, lopsided eyes and lipstick like my senile Aunt Margaret wears. Music critics and even those in the record industry are saying OK, quite enough from this goof. There is even a TV special in the UK asking - If this is what the guy is doing to his outside, then what the hell is going on inside? What's happened to our Michael?
Mr. C.F.B. Lagoon

Oct 2002 age 44

Tracey Orvez took this photo in the parking lot of the Beverly Regent Hotel in Beverly Hills, California. She heard he was there so waited in hopes of seeing him. What a surprize it must have been to see The Mike, making his way to his limo dressed in only blue Jammies with snow flakes and polar bears on them. Always a good look for a star, I say. She asked if she could take his photo and he said sure...as long as she "stood well back".

I can't imagine why.

The publicly decried "third nostril", which appeared after the January plastic surgery (see above photo) that a few took time out of their busy days to write and inform me I was full of shit about, seems to be closing up but has left an obvious scar. The tip, which has been rumored (damn, I'm good) to have died and/or be a puttied-on prothesis looks to be dead tissue and/or a puttied on prothesis. Said Ms. Orvez: "He looked like a ghoul. When I had the picture developed, I was sick. The guy doesn't appear to have a nose."

Well, when you hack away at it for 15 years, that happens. But as my detractors write to me, I just put these vicious "lies" up because I'm "jealous". I am, boy howdy! I'm jealous I don't have whatever it is Mike's on to make his pupils the size of dinner plates. And I would really love some Polar bear and snowflake jammies myself. I wish Tracey mentioned if they had Feets in them or not! It's hell trying to find "fun" jammie feets pajamas when you're a grown up woman. How envious I am that a grown man can!

Evil Dead 2

Nov 13, 2002

  • The Latex Monkey In a Bad Wig Look of Planet Michael

The story is that Mike was in court because of a $21 million suit filed by his longtime promoter, Marcel Avram. He says Mike didn't show up for 2 concerts New Years Eve 2000 and Mike says he thought they'd been canceled so spent the night at home watching TV. ::rolling eyes:::

Jackson wore a surgical mask when entering and leaving the courthouse (gee..wonder why?). His former publicist says he routinely wears the mask "to protect his throat from pollution and germs". Like that reason in itself is a perfectly normal one. You see anyone else walking around with surgical masks on? Perhaps it's to hide the dead, rotting tip of his putty nose. Just to throw out an idea here. What I think we have here is the New Howard Hughes.

I like the wig though. I wasn't aware that the historic (3000 - 1200 BC) tradition of wearing dead marmots on your head had been revived. Are those caterpillar eyebrows? A 1000-yard stare? What a trend setter!

Thirty fans were allowed into the courtroom after winning that "honor" by Lotto.

stay tuned...

Ari from
Planet of the Apes

Suggested and sent
by the McManus family,
Sherry, & about 80 more.
I like how you think..

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