Firewall

2006

Actually, I wanted to review this movie a few months ago when I was doing the WarGames, Hackers, and Antitrust reviews. Then I freaked out, joined the Army, worked for the government, and went into business for myself... I'm a professional killer. Or something like that. Okay, okay, so I'm a slacker and forgot to get around to it.

Firewall starts off with opening credits that include what appears to be surveillance video. Not exactly building into any suspense there, kids. Jack Stanfield (Harrison Ford) is a middle-aged security expert with a family and a respectable job with a decent office (hell of a view there), and a problem. He's being set up to help rob his own employer, and as a security "expert", tries to protect himself and his family from the nefarious doings of his enemies. In short order, his family is kidnapped and held hostage in order to make Jack comply to their demands. In other words, it's two hours of "MAH FAMBLY BE PWN3D, H0W KIN AH S4V3 D1M?" But hey, it's a movie... kinda.

Jack is coerced by his assailants into helping them execute an attack on his employer. High-tech cameras and microphones are tracking his every move. Surveillance evasion becomes a key development in the first half-hour, until Jack finally realizes that he can't win despite his "skills" as a security professional. Good social engineering tactics by the bad guys, but we know where it's going. The big bad guy even caps Willie in the back of his shoulder, killing him. Terrible positioning and editing. If you watch closely it might be good for a laugh.

Probably shouldn't give out any more details in the event you want to watch this one for yourself. There's a little twist in the plot, but again, I shouldn't give out details to not spoil the ending. Average acting, no real cinematography, and nothing stands out as "special". It's really not as high-tech as the title would lead people to believe. Nice touches here and there, but a typical Harrison Ford movie with high hopes and little rewards. Fairly predictable, few surprises, and the good guy wins in the end. No offense to Ford; the script and direction are right up his alley. Indiana Jones says "nmap -sS -P0 -v -O 192.168.1.1"

Lyger Notes:
* In the first five minutes, a "security dude" is tracking a "brute-force login". Clearly using Ethereal (now Wireshark) for his trace. Nice touch, but the "ip rule" line sucked ass.
* Motorized toy cars > high tech camera systems hooked into laptops. REMEMBER THAT.
* "Beth" is not only security-minded, but a MILF. She should email me. Like, yesterday. Please and UNF.
* IPOD hacking is so... yesterday. Nepen used mine to get herself a driver's license. So easy.
* Good quote: "I don't hate you, Sarah.. I just don't care about you". Sounds like an attrition front page rotating quote... ;)
* mount /dev /cdrom /mnt /cdrom -t iso9660
mount: block device /dev /cdrom is write-protected mounting
/mnt / cdrom / script

and then a "Windows is shutting down" message a minute later? WAS THAT BILL GATES APPROVED?

errrrr....

Lyger's Rating: 2.0

Lyger's Guide:

1 = mafiaboy (raw ass)
2 = Pauly Shore (hey, I liked Encino Man..)
3 = Japanese wrestling (fun to watch for a couple hours)
4 = Mitnick's nipples (whoo-hoo)
5 = OMFG RAWR (you buy it, watch it repeatedly, and sleep with it under your pillow)

Lyger


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