From: lyger (lyger@attrition.org)
To: Guido Hagar (guido.hagar@gmail.com)
Date: Wed, 7 May 2008 03:17:54 +0000 (UTC)
Subject: Re: Cancel my AOL


On Wed, 7 May 2008, Guido Hagar wrote:

": " I'm back in Australia, so I don't need my AOL anymore, cancel it for me will
": " ya?

No.  Requests such as these are boring, especially when coming from gmail
accounts with no information regarding an AOL account.

Go fuck a roo, mate.

From: security curmudgeon (jericho@attrition.org)
To: Guido Hagar (guido.hagar@gmail.com)
Date: Wed, 7 May 2008 03:28:34 +0000 (UTC)
Subject: Re: Cancel my AOL


: I'm back in Australia, so I don't need my AOL anymore, cancel it for me
: will ya?

We offer AOL services 'down under' you vegemite eating criminal. No way
you ditch us that easily.

Jared
Attrition On-Line (AOL) Support:

From: lyger (lyger@attrition.org)
To: Guido Hagar (guido.hagar@gmail.com)
Date: Wed, 7 May 2008 03:50:34 +0000 (UTC)
Subject: Re: Cancel my AOL


On Wed, 7 May 2008, Guido Hagar wrote:

": " Okay, seriously, there is no need to speak to me like that, alright. My aol
": " account is ghhagar. So cancel it.
": "
": " Bye

OK, seriously, do you have any identifying information like, say, a NAME,
or, I do not know, an ADDRESS, or... a credit card number that might help
tie you to an AOL account?  A username is not enough without these
details, sir!

Allah forbid we cancel someone's account without getting confimation of
these details.  It is not easy being an AOL representative in India, where
we do not have full access to the main AOL offices and data
communications.  We require more information to protect you, our esteemed
customer.  Please provide complete billing information so we can assist
you to the best of our humble abilities.

From: lyger (lyger@attrition.org)
To: Guido Hagar (guido.hagar@gmail.com)
Date: Wed, 7 May 2008 04:03:55 +0000 (UTC)
Subject: Re: Cancel my AOL


On Wed, 7 May 2008, Guido Hagar wrote:

": " Is this a joke? What India? Why am I writing to India?
": " Forget it. Here goes: My name is Guido Hagar, and my address is 5/87
": " Yorktown Parade, Maroubra, NSW.
": " And I'm not giving my credit card to no indian, you have to find other way
": " to cancel my account.
": "
": " Bye

You are writing to India because that is where our services are now
located.  In your country, they may call it "outsourcing", which means you
will receive the best available serivce for the lowest cost to you, our
customer.

It also means that we are not able to cancel your account as requested.
To say that you do not trust me or AOL is not a good feeling, sir!  And to
call me an "Indian" is great disrespect!  Your account shall now remain
open, per my database request, until December of the year 2013.

If you have any questions, please call our support line instead of email.

From: security curmudgeon (jericho@attrition.org)
To: Guido Hagar (guido.hagar@gmail.com)
Date: Wed, 7 May 2008 04:14:08 +0000 (UTC)
Subject: Re: Cancel my AOL


: I have already another technician on the case. Can't you guys
: collaborate?

The other tech is a level 1 tech and new to AOL, he doesn't know what he
is doing and will pass it on to level 2 shortly (that's me).

Jared
Attrition On-Line (AOL) Support

From: security curmudgeon (jericho@attrition.org)
To: Guido Hagar (guido.hagar@gmail.com)
Date: Wed, 7 May 2008 04:23:49 +0000 (UTC)
Subject: Re: Cancel my AOL


: Oh, thank goodness.
: Could you please cancel my AOL account - ghhagar.
: My name is Guido Hagar, and my address is 5/87 Yorktown Parade, Maroubra,
: NSW.

We need the 3rd and 8th number of the credit card used to open the account
as verification of who you are. With that information I can cancel the
account on the next lunar billing cycle.

Jared
Attrition On-Line (AOL) Support

From: security curmudgeon (jericho@attrition.org)
To: Guido Hagar (guido.hagar@gmail.com)
Date: Wed, 7 May 2008 04:43:06 +0000 (UTC)
Subject: Re: Cancel my AOL


Hi Guido,

: 2 and 2

That verifies the first question we must ask, now for the second and
final: please verify the 2nd and 7th number.

Once you have sent that we will put in the change request for account
cancellation.

Jared
Attrition On-Line (AOL) Support

From: security curmudgeon (jericho@attrition.org)
To: Guido Hagar (guido.hagar@gmail.com)
Date: Wed, 7 May 2008 04:48:13 +0000 (UTC)
Subject: Re: Cancel my AOL


: 6 and 1
: is it really necessary?

Unfortunately yes. The company I work for, that handles AOL cancellation
notices, is based in India. For some reason they do not trust our ability
to handle customer requests, and make us verify all kinds of information
to complete the request. Just be glad you got me in Level 2 support, at
least we speak good English!

Jared
Attrition On-Line (AOL) Support

From: security curmudgeon (jericho@attrition.org)
To: Guido Hagar (guido.hagar@gmail.com)
Date: Wed, 7 May 2008 05:20:48 +0000 (UTC)
Subject: Re: Cancel my AOL


: Yeah, I can tell. So is it enough to cancel?

Stand by, I am confirming with my supervisor.

From: S.Q. Uido (squido@attrition.org)
To: Guido Hagar (guido.hagar@gmail.com)
Date: Wed, 7 May 2008 05:47:09 +0000 (UTC)
Subject: Re: Cancel my AOL


Hello Mr. The Guido

> : Yeah, I can tell. So is it enough to cancel?
>
> Stand by, I am confirming with my supervisor.

I am Jared's supervisor and Level 3 support (the highest)! I have reviewed your case and given 
him approval to close your account on the next lunar billing cycle. To give the final authorization 
my computer system requires me to input one final validation measure for your security, to ensure 
that evil hackers are not trying to close your account. Please provide the 1st and 6th number of 
the credit card used to open your account, and it shall be done!

Susan Q. Uido
Level 3 Support
Level 2 Supervisor
Attrition On-Line (AOL)
Dubai, India

From: S. Q. Uido (squido@attrition.org)
To: Guido Hagar (guido.hagar@gmail.com)
Date: Wed, 7 May 2008 06:22:22 +0000 (UTC)
Subject: Re: Cancel my AOL


> Okay, seriously, it went far enough! Now I have to write to the 3rd person,
> just to cancel goddamn Internet account. This is the most frustrating
> technical support I have ever seen, and just a process of terminating one's
> account seems to be a never ending issue. Who do I complain about it?

You may write to my supervisor at d2d@attrition.org.


> The numbers are 5 and 1

Thank you, I have finalized the process and your account will hopefully be cancelled next 
lunar billing cycle!!

Susan Q. Uido
Level 3 Support
Level 2 Supervisor
Attrition On-Line (AOL)
Dubai, India

From: Cancer Omega (comega@attrition.org)
To: Guido Hagar (guido.hagar@gmail.com)
Cc: lyger (lyger@attrition.org)
Date: Wed, 7 May 2008 13:12:27 +0000 (UTC)
Subject: Re: Cancel my AOL

On Wed, 7 May 2008, Guido Hagar wrote:

> So its a big disrespect to call you an indian, and its totally normal to say 'fuck a roo' to a
> customer, is that how you deal with that? I'm not gonna call no number, since it would be transfered
> to India too. And you are not getting off that easy either - I'm not asking you to cancel my account,
> I'm TELLING you.

Look, dumbass.  This ain't AOL here.  You're being an incredibly slack-jawed, slope-foreheaded,
dull-witted, stupid fuck of a trollop if you really think we're America Online (AOL) here.  Whatever the
fuck inspired you to confuse our site with AOL is so completely devoid of intelligent thought that it
makes my head hurt trying to dumb things down to your level.

So TELL us you want to cancel your fucking lame-ass AOL account cancelled. Strip naked and run your
penis up the great Aussie flagpole.  Sacrifice chickens to the Great God of Whatever-the-fuck-you-worship.
See if any of us give a screaming FUCK about it.

My God, I don't know which is more pathetic: that you mistook us for a monolithic ISP, or that you still
can't fathom what a clueless fucktard you truly are and have to resort to continued missives that do
nothing but demonstrate that you and your kind should NEVER FUCKING BREED.

Do me a favor and punch yourself in the nuts now.  Better still, do the world a favor and fucking kill
yourself.

.c

From: d2d (d2d@attrition.org)
To: Guido Hagar (guido.hagar@gmail.com)
Date: Wed, 7 May 2008 17:32:52 +0000 (UTC)
Subject: Re: Quick question


Thank you for contacting technical support.  I am not stationed in our
Indian offices, no.  I'm stationed in northern Michigan.  I supervise
several groups around the globe, some in India, however.

How can I assist you?

Dee Dee Winters
Supervisor - Level 12


On Thu, 8 May 2008, Guido Hagar wrote:

": " You're not from India, are you?
": "

From: d2d (d2d@attrition.org)
To: Guido Hagar (guido.hagar@gmail.com)
Date: Wed, 7 May 2008 18:55:03 +0000 (UTC)
Subject: Re: Quick question


I apologize for your stupidity Guido, as best as one can apologize for
someone elses stupidity.  I'm glad your account is finally cancelled, at
least in your perception.  You will be receiving a bill shortly that
includes a $65 USD surcharge for your repeated correspondence with our
Indian technical support group.  Level 2 tickets and above are charged a
professional fee.  I'm sure you understand.

People like you are the result of modern medicine and laws against bloodshed.  
Rewind a few hundred years and you'd surely be dead.

Dee Dee Winters
Supervisor - Level 12

From: Cancer Omega (comega@attrition.org)
To: Guido Hagar (guido.hagar@gmail.com)
Date: Wed, 7 May 2008 21:21:26 +0000 (UTC)
Subject: Re: Cancel my AOL

On Thu, 8 May 2008, Guido Hagar wrote:

> I know that you are not AOL, you are an indian from the service center in India. 
> And you know what? I gonna write a proper complaint, mate, and whatever cents you are 
> making there per hour - forget it, you are getting your ass fired. I have already managed 
> to get to level 3 support, and I'll go far beyond. I'll get to your management in States, 
> and make them see, what kind of customer support they outsource to India. Watch me do that,mate.

Dear clay-eating toad-faced puke,

Kiss my ass and go piss up a rope.  I can't be fired.  I own the fucking company, you 
knuckle-dragging son of a cum-burping gutter-slut whore.

Sicnerely,

Pradip Bamymegaswamy
"The best thing about reincarnation is that all medical care has the same outcome!"

From: lyger (lyger@attrition.org)
To: Cancer Omega (comega@attrition.org)
Cc: Guido Hagar (guido.hagar@gmail.com)
Date: Wed, 7 May 2008 21:25:45 +0000 (UTC)
Subject: Re: Cancel my AOL


On Wed, 7 May 2008, Cancer Omega wrote:

": " On Thu, 8 May 2008, Guido Hagar wrote:
": "
": " > I know that you are not AOL, you are an indian from the service center in
": " > India. And you know what? I gonna write a proper complaint, mate, and
": " > whatever cents you are making there per hour - forget it, you are getting
": " > your ass fired. I have already managed to get to level 3 support, and
": " > I'll go far beyond. I'll get to your management in States, and make them
": " > see, what kind of customer support they outsource to India. Watch me do
": " > that,mate.
": "
": " Dear clay-eating toad-faced puke,
": "
": " Kiss my ass and go piss up a rope.  I can't be fired.  I own the fucking
": " company, you knuckle-dragging son of a cum-burping gutter-slut whore.
": "
": " Sicnerely,
": "
": " Pradip Bamymegaswamy
": " "The best thing about reincarnation is that all medical care has the same
": " outcome!"

Thank you Uncle Pradip!  Like the American Bartles and Jaymes commercials
say, we appreciate your continued support!

Nephew Lywinisip Germeedhamasu

From: security curmudgeon (jericho@attrition.org)
To: Guido Hagar (guido.hagar@gmail.com)
Cc: lyger (lyger@attrition.org), Cancer Omega (comega@attrition.org)
Date: Wed, 7 May 2008 22:08:37 +0000 (UTC)
Subject: Re: Cancel my AOL



: you dont even have to reply. We've done talking, indians. I'll make an
: overseas call, and talk to AOL representative in person. I'll make sure
: I'll report all this mess.

We hope you enjoy your experience calling our counterparts in the U.S. It
was an absolute pleasure assisting you. Please make sure to tell them
that we followed corporate procedures!

Jared
Level 2.12 Support

From: attrition intern (mage@attrition.org)
To: lyger (lyger@attrition.org)
Cc: Cancer Omega (comega@attrition.org), Guido Hagar (guido.hagar@gmail.com)
Date: Thu, 8 May 2008 00:47:32 +0000 (UTC)
Subject: Re: Cancel my AOL



> ": " Pradip Bamymegaswamy

> Nephew Lywinisip Germeedhamasu

Oh, dear.  Do I need to update the corporate directory again?  The final draft is supposed 
to be done by COB Friday.

Please let me know at x451 (the main conference room on 3) as our cubes are being fumigated 
this afternoon and we're all on laptops here.  Darn leftover curry.  :(

- Sanjev

From: Cancer Omega (comega@attrition.org)
To: attrition intern (mage@attrition.org)
Cc: lyger (lyger@attrition.org), Guido Hagar (guido.hagar@gmail.com)
Date: Thu, 8 May 2008 02:39:07 +0000 (UTC)
Subject: Re: Cancel my AOL

On Thu, 8 May 2008, attrition intern wrote:

> > ": " Pradip Bamymegaswamy
>
> > Nephew Lywinisip Germeedhamasu
>
> Oh, dear.  Do I need to update the corporate directory again?  The final draft is supposed 
> to be done by COB Friday.
>
> Please let me know at x451 (the main conference room on 3) as our cubes are being fumigated 
> this afternoon and we're all on laptops here.  Darn leftover curry.  :(

It is alright, Sanjev.  Leftover curry is proof of Vishnu's love for us all...in spite of the 
terrible wind it makes me break.  Such an aroma. Like a cow on fire.