From: nepen (nepen@attrition.org)
To: ruben devibar (evilbhen@gmail.com)
Date: Sun, 3 Sep 2006 13:58:16 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: Re: i wan't shell


On Sun, 3 Sep 2006, ruben devibar wrote:

> i wan't a shell please can i ahve one????...
> username: evileye
> pass: iloveyou


You don't just get handed a shell because you said "please." There's a very specific 
bureaucratic process involved here that we simply cannot bypass. I won't even consider 
your application for a shell unless you pass the prerequisite screening.

In order to determine whether or not you should be approved and added to the waiting list 
of applicants who also "wan't" to "ahve" a shell, I will require:

- An essay on why you deserve a shell--no fewer than 500 words, no more than 501--and why 
*I* should be the one to give it to you.

- Three boxes of powdered sugar-covered mini doughnuts [Tastykake, not Entenmann's]. 
Overnighted, plz, for freshness concerns.

- N00dz--at least two nude photos [of yourself, dipshit].

- Finally, I will require a brand spankin' new riding crop [jericho confiscated mine a 
few months ago] with which to beat you for being a pathetic moron, but not before infusing 
said riding crop with some Oil of Clue. Hopefully it'll rub off on you.

NB: Providing proof that you've received a vasectomy and have never had children can 
drastically sway the opinions of the Shell Application Reviewal Committee And Subservient Minions 
when they go to review your application.


Please don't breed,

nepen