From: Barf 
To: jericho@attrition.org
Date: Mon, 1 Mar 2004 21:10:56 -0500
Subject: AOL 9.0 Optimized Top Speed

            I need to let the cat out of the bag, Even though I think
I'm onto a good thing and I'm afraid it will go away, People nee to know
about this new AOL 9.0 Optimized Top Speed. I got this CD in the mail a
few weeks ago, and it said that I could get this computer modem service
for free for a whole month. I figured that maybe someone was finally
giving ConpuServe and Prodigy a run for their money. Now I've been a
loyal Prodigy customer for years and those message boards are great foe
meeting chicks, but this Optimized business has that all beat to hell. I
mean you can actually talk to girls in real time, like they were sitting
in the computer next to you at the Library. Well anyway. Now this weird
disembodied voice tells me I have e-mail whenever I log on. And I
usually don't have to wait for the computer to dial 4 or 5 times before
I finally get through. It reminds me of calling for a Girls Gone Wild
video right after the commercial is on. It's like everyone always wants
that free Sorority sweethearts video that they give to the first 10
callers. I mean come on, you actually think you can dial that fast? But
I digress. This Aol Top Gear is the cat's ass. You can go to these
"sites" where you can actually watch porno videos right on your
computer.  Fucking sweet huh? Instead of driving all the way out to the
"Pleasure Zone", now I can sit in the comfort of my own home and watch
fishing while I download porno flicks. I love the US. See this is what
our President is fighting for. You think Iraqi guys can just watch titty
movies on the computer? No way Bob. Those guys have to go to one of
those sketchy flea market deals. And it's probably all softcore anyway.
This crap I got with my Optimized 9.0, is the real deal. I even found
one with 3 chicks and onw had this butt plug and.... Anyway, sorry. This
Optimized thinger is cool as hell. There's tons of crap on here, and the
news is better than CNN, you can just skip over the boring crap. Well I
gotta get back to my surfing, I had kind of a slow weekend with the
ladies. 

Good Luck AOLers

Randy