Search engine oddity: If you google for "fuck www.google.com," we're #1! We certainly don't share that sentiment (although one random searcher apparently did): We can't hate Google. Without it, where would we get our postal fodder—both logs and mail? If you guys at Google are feeling a little wronged by that and want some revenge, well, we're also #1 for "fuck attrition." And we do share that sentiment.
Enjoy...
What I Do on Company Time, .gov/.mil Style:
Could it be... a government worker doing his or her job?! Never!
The United States is the land of baseball, apple pie, bickering armchair activists/pundits, political parties that are trendier than others, and government workers who know they can slack off all day because we don't expect otherwise and they have job security (because we don't expect otherwise). Remember kiddies, these are the same people who vote to give themselves pay raises year after year.
n021.dhs.gov - - [05/Jul/2006:12:06:50 -0400] "GET /mirror/attrition/2001/02/21/ www.dirtyswampdog.com HTTP/1.1" 301 417 "http://images.search.yahoo.com/search/ images/view?back=http%3A%2F%2Fimages.search.yahoo.com%2Fsearch%2Fimages%3Fp%3D Midget%2Bwomen%26ei%3DUTF-8%26fr%3DFP-tab-img-t%26b%3D1&w=211&h=237&imgurl=www. hankthedwarf.com%2Fimages%2Fphotos%2Falbum2%2Fhankbobatals.jpg&rurl=http%3A%2F% 2Fwww.attrition.org%2Fmirror%2Fattrition%2F2001%2F02%2F21%2Fwww.dirtyswampdog.c om&size=51.7kB&name=hankbobatals.jpg&p=Midget+women&type=jpeg&no=2&tt=154&ei=UT F-8" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1; IE6.0; .NET CLR 1.1.4322)"
The Department of Homeland Security, ever vigilant, has uncovered a new
terrorist sect operating RIGHT HERE UNDER OUR VERY NOSES (literally!).
Fear not, for the DHS is busy looking at
photos of these nekkid midget women POTENTIAL MIDGET TERR'ISTS.
DO NOT WORRY, THEY ARE WORKING TO NEUTRALISE THE THREAT AS WE SPEAK.
Reports believe suspected targets of the disenfranchised little people
to be the Statue of Liberty and Mount Rushmore.
papa2o.barksdale.af.mil - - [15/Aug/2006:16:56:36 -0400] "GET /~jericho/works/misc/ revenge.protection.database.3.1.html HTTP/1.1" 200 10554 "http://www.google.com/ search?hl=en&lr=&q=things+you+can+do+to+cars+to+get+revenge" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1; SV1; InfoPath.1; .NET CLR 1.1.4322)"
Clearly this guy lacks imagination and creativity. When you are trained in the fine art of How to Blow Shit Up, you really shouldn't have to ask this question. Ever.
host254.senate.gov - - [06/Jun/2006:06:05:52 -0400] "GET /gallery/mugshots/roger_clinton.jpg HTTP/1.1" 301 393 "-" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.0)"
This one speaks for itself. Too bad we closed the gallery, maybe the Senate should fund us. I hope this person didn't waste an entire day trying to find Roger Clinton's mugshot. Oh, wait, he probably did. Nothing better to do, right?
167.21.254.13 - - [09/Jun/2006:10:57:03 -0400] "GET /~punkis/ HTTP/1.1" 200 3341 "http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&safe=active&q=pictures+of+people+ jumping+off+the+trade+centers" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1; SV1; .NET CLR 1.1.4322; InfoPath.1)"
nepen@forced:~$ whois -h whois.arin.net 167.21.254.13 OrgName: STATE OF DELAWARE OrgID: STATEO-19 Address: Department of Technology and Information Address: 801 Silver Lake Blvd City: Dover StateProv: DE PostalCode: 19904 Country: US
This more than speaks for itself.
69.255.55.235 - - [15/Aug/2006:21:02:54 -0400] "GET /pipermail/isn/2005-September/ 001969.html HTTP/1.1" 200 4450 "http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&rls=IRFA%2CIRFA% 3A2006-23%2CIRFA%3Aen&q=%22Effective+Use+of+Department+of+Navy+IT+Resources%22" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1; SV1; .NET CLR 1.1.4322; .NET CLR 2.0.50727)" w050156.cvw5.navy.mil - - [10/Jun/2006:05:24:43 -0400] "GET /news/happy_new_year.jpg HTTP/1.0" 302 356 "http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&fri endID=27349355" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.0; .NET CLR 1.1.4322; .NET CLR 2.0.50727)" nocb-b1.uar.navy.mil - - [09/Jun/2006:04:57:05 -0400] "GET /news/happy_new_year.jpg HTTP/1.0" 302 356 "http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile& friendid=24180025" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.0)" nnmcuser1.bethesda.med.navy.mil - - [27/Jun/2006:13:51:36 -0400] "GET /misc/humor/gov1.html HTTP/1.1" 200 1660 "http://attrition.org/misc/humor/" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.0; .NET CLR 1.0.3705; InfoPath.1)"
Effective use of Department of Navy IT Resources? No such thing!
Pairs:
Sometimes we tend to come across groups of two or three hits that just seem to go together. It's fate. Or coincidental perversion. Whatever. Anyway, the following entries are double the funny when paired together.
216.146.70.106 - - [26/May/2006:10:26:46 -0400] "GET /fuck/www/fuck0026.htm HTTP/1.1" 200 7143 "http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient&ie=UTF-8&rls =GGLG,GGLG:2005-25,GGLG:en&q=i%27m+going+to+fuck+my+sister" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1; SV1; .NET CLR 1.1.4322)" scaleo-ee6f60f2.dhcp-ripwave.irishbroadband.ie - - [26/May/2006:10:47:01 -0400] "GET /fuck/www/fuck0026.htm HTTP/1.1" 200 7143 "http://www.google.com/search ?sourceid=navclient&ie=UTF-8&rls=DVXF,DVXF:2006-10,DVXF:en&q=my+brother+fucked+me" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1; SV1; .NET CLR 1.1.4322)"
IT REALLY MAKES YOU WONDER... Especially given the fact that the second entry came all of 21 minutes, 15 seconds later...
209.26.76.50 - - [15/Aug/2006:19:12:34 -0400] "GET /misc/humor/10-cop.html HTTP/1.1" 200 6022 "http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&rls=GGLG%2CGGLG %3A2006-28%2CGGLG%3Aen&q=The+things+not+to+tell+the+policeofficer+when+ pulled+over" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1; SV1; .NET CLR 1.1.4322; .NET CLR 2.0.50727)" adsl-71-146-234-223.dsl.okcyok.sbcglobal.net - - [15/Aug/2006:18:59:26 -0400] "GET /fuck/www/fuck0364.htm HTTP/1.1" 200 9778 "http://www.google.com/search ?hl=en&q=ass+worshipping+rimjobbers" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1; SV1; .NET CLR 1.1.4322; yplus 5.1.02b)"
Obviously that's a good place to start.
cpe-24-58-171-160.twcny.res.rr.com - - [02/Jun/2006:04:50:13 -0400] "GET /postal/z/023/0357.html HTTP/1.1" 200 5442 "http://www.google.com/search? q=inflamed+pus+toenail&hl=en&lr=&start=10&sa=N" "Mozilla/5.0 (Windows; U; Windows NT 5.1; en-US; rv:1.8.0.3) Gecko/20060426 Firefox/1.5.0.3" c-24-126-131-145.hsd1.ca.comcast.net - - [01/Jun/2006:02:32:51 -0400] "GET /f-att.gif HTTP/1.1" 302 351 "http://66.102.7.104/search?q=cache:cfaCA0_f3RgJ: www.attrition.org/postal/z/023/0357.html+life+without+toenail&hl=en&gl=us&ct= clnk&cd=44" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1; SV1; .NET CLR 1.1.4322)"
This is what you get for searching google for "inflamed+pus+toenail" instead of seeing a doctor. Good luck becoming acclimated to your new "life+without+toenail."
h-66-167-248-224.cmbrmaor.dynamic.covad.net - - [15/Aug/2006:15:59:24 -0400] "GET /fuck/www/fuck0039.htm HTTP/1.1" 200 7879 "http://www.google.com/search?hl=en& q=what+the+fuck+can+i+do+with+myself" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1; SV1)" 24-179-25-184.dhcp.ahvl.nc.charter.com - - [01/Jun/2006:18:36:48 -0400] "GET /fuck/www/fuck0328.htm HTTP/1.1" 200 7576 "http://www.ask.com/web? q=what+could+i+do+instead+of+watching+television&o=0&qsrc=1&qid= 117D71FBBF35ECE115F7B488722ECD2A&page=2" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1; SV1)" cpe-60-226-70-188.qld.bigpond.net.au - - [16/Aug/2006:03:20:47 -0400] "GET /misc/ee/foreskin HTTP/1.1" 200 12090 "http://www.google.com.au/search?hl=en &sa=X&oi=spell&resnum=0&ct=result&cd=1&q=cut+penis+off+with+scissors &spell=1" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1; SV1; .NET CLR 1.0.3705; .NET CLR 1.1.4322; Media Center PC 4.0)"
Hey, ask a stupid question... and you'll get a nepen answer.
160.7.235.163 - - [01/Jun/2006:11:13:33 -0400] "GET /mirror/attrition/2001/04/18/www .cybernanny.net/ HTTP/1.1" 200 1351 "http://www.ask.com/web?q=What+does+PORN+look+like &qsrc=0&o=0" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1)" 160.7.235.163 - - [02/Jun/2006:10:33:03 -0400] "GET /mirror/attrition/2001/04/18/www .cybernanny.net/ HTTP/1.1" 200 1351 "http://www.ask.com/web?q=WHAT+DOES+PORN+LOOK+LIKE &qsrc=0&o=0" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1)"
nepen@forced:~$ whois -h whois.arin.net 160.7.235.163 OrgName: Nebo School District OrgID: NSD Address: Nebo School District Address: 350 S. Main City: Spanish Fork StateProv: UT PostalCode: 84660 Country: US
The poor, repressed children at the Nebo School District in Utah just can't seem to find out what porn looks like. They're not going to give up, however! They were back the very next day, searching again for that seemingly-ubiquitus-to-everyone-but-Mormon-children internet pornography, and judging by the CAPS OF FRUSTRATION, they were probably unsuccessful the first time around.
As amusing as that is, it's also pretty sad. Are children in this country becoming so stupid that they can't even find porn on the internet? Obviously the fact that they were able to waste two days' classtime in the same class in search of porn—instead of, oh, I don't know... learning?—is simply further proof of this pathetic problem. Wit r luck, dis is an English class.
host86-132-161-161.range86-132.btcentralplus.com - - [21/Jun/2006:18:59:46 -0400] "GET /attrition/wallpaper/ HTTP/1.1" 200 8520 "http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en &sa=X&oi=spell&resnum=0&ct=result&cd=1&q=how+to+look+like+a+heroin+chick&spell=1" "Mozilla/5.0 (Windows; U; Windows NT 5.1; en-GB; rv:1.8.0.4) Gecko/20060508 Firefox/1.5.0.4" 0-1pool84-56.nas22.houston4.tx.us.da.qwest.net - - [15/Jun/2006:16:30:00 -0400] "GET /fuck/www/fuck0253.htm HTTP/1.1" 200 6887 "http://www.ask.com/web? q=how+to+look+like+a+cocain+addict&qsrc=1&o=0" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1)"
The fastest way to look like a drug addict is to become one. It's realism, kids. Do not sacrifice the integrity of the art simply because you're too much of a pussy to smoke a little crack or shoot a little heroin.
/dev/random:
c-66-176-102-157.hsd1.fl.comcast.net - - [15/Jun/2006:11:27:22 -0400] "GET /quotes/ dc-topic.txt HTTP/1.1" 200 324931 "http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient&ie= UTF-8&rls=DGUS,DGUS:2006-13,DGUS:en&q=WANTED+TO+SLEEP+WITH+A+HEMRAPHRODITE+WILL+PAY" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1; SV1; .NET CLR 1.1.4322)"
Might have had better luck if he spelled it correctly... YOU KNOW HE'S SERIOUS THOUGH, CAUSE HE USED THE CAPS OF FRUSTRATION. If he's anything like the kids above, he's probably spent a good portion of the last few days looking for elusive hermaphrodite prostitutes. But the question is, can he really afford lyger's services?
ool-4572df4e.dyn.optonline.net - - [15/Aug/2006:00:31:46 -0400] "GET /fuck/www/ fuck0035.htm HTTP/1.1" 200 28621 "http://www.google.com/search?q=lesbian+eskimo+nazis &start=0&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official" "Mozilla/5.0 (Windows; U; Windows NT 5.1; en-US; rv:1.8.0.6) Gecko/20060728 Firefox/1.5.0.6"
This one is like a bad B movie. ATTACK OF THE LESBIAN ESKIMO NAZIS.
ip72-192-50-186.ri.ri.cox.net - - [16/Jul/2006:03:28:42 -0400] "GET /fuck/www/fuck0035.htm HTTP/1.1" 200 28621 "http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&q=real+lesbian+hookers&btnG=Search" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1; SV1; .NET CLR 1.1.4322)"
I know I just hate it when my hooker isn't a real lesbian.
clayton.state.gov - - [11/Sep/2006:09:17:55 -0400] "GET /errata/www/art.0076.html HTTP/1.1" 200 31563 "http://www.google.com/search?q=crime+investigation+questionaire&hl=en&lr=&start=10 &sa=N" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1; SV1)"
I'm guessing that, "Aww, come on, didja do it?" wasn't working too well for the investigators who were questioning the terrorists.
cache-los-ab03.proxy.aol.com - - [16/Jul/2006:09:50:38 -0400] "GET /quotes/dc.html HTTP/1.1" 200 12185 "http://uk.ask.com/web?o=0&dm=all&qsrc=19&q=Is+the+earth+just+finishing+an+ie+age%3F" "Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; AOL 9.0; Windows NT 5.1; SV1; .NET CLR 1.0.3705; .NET CLR 1.1.4322; Media Center PC 4.0)"
Now that we have Firefox...we can only hope!