[Infowarrior] - more on ... OPM: first 4, then 12, now 32 million affected

[Richard Forno]

> Begin forwarded message:
> 
> From: "Dan"
> 
>> http://www.nextgov.com/cybersecurity/2015/07/opm-hiring-it-staff-work-cyber-upgrades/117013/ <http://www.nextgov.com/cybersecurity/2015/07/opm-hiring-it-staff-work-cyber-upgrades/117013/>
> OPM is hiring new Senior IT Project Managers for a new architecture they call The Shell:
> https://www.usajobs.gov/GetJob/ViewDetails/407697700 <https://www.usajobs.gov/GetJob/ViewDetails/407697700>
> 
> 
> I got the link from a friend who also works in the MIC and also got his SF86 lifted.
> I tried to lighten the mood with a little satire, by riffing on the NextGov article…
> 
> Step 1: "The managers will be working in the office of Chief Information Officer Donna Seymour..." #fail
> 
> But there is so much more hilarious juicy goodness in this article...
> 
> 2. "...needs at least four more senior IT project managers..."
> They need a CIO with a vision and a clue. But what they get is the same emperor, more minions.
> 
> 3. "The new hires will be responsible for transporting the agency's decades-old computer systems to a new network, dubbed "the Shell...”"
> So the architecture is already described and planned, and they are going with the recognized and well known architecture of "The Shell". Not "a shell", but The Shell. Because this has been used successfully in so many other places already.
> 
> 4. "...following at least three damaging breaches over the past few years."
> So the count of known penetrations has gone from 1 to 2 to 3...
> 
> 5. "The modern network will be capable of..."
> Wait - is this a modern network or is this The Shell??? I mean, you can't have both.
> 
> 6. "But the agency's internal watchdog views the strategy as a potential boondoggle."
> Do tell.
> 
> 7. "While agency officials currently calculate a two-year, $93 million project, that cost does not include the expense of transitioning over existing applications,..."
> Wow. Just 'wow'. They're going to create a newly invented IT infrastructure and public facing DMZ which works with a modern application infrastructure, but what they get is the same old 1970s-era stuff with a new Shell bolted on. WCPGW?
> 
> 8. "...the agency has not estimated the total time or money required for the undertaking."
> Though it truth, with the past 4 weeks of day-to-day hearings there is no way the current CIO could have planned any of the future.
> Oh wait - with infinite time (and money) there is no way the current CIO could have planned any improvement for the future.
> 
> 9. "Job seekers interested in the new IT openings must be certified program managers..."
> ...and proven fools and Beltway bureaucrats. Outside IT experience is helpful but not required.
> 
> 10. "...OPM Director Archuleta..."
> Is still there... But she's probably not going to many Beltway cocktail parties any longer.
> 
> 11. 'Each of the OPM senior IT managers will help lead the "dynamic migration of existing software applications to OPM's new infrastructure environment,"...'
> FBC - fully buzzword compliant.
> 
> 12. "...known as the Shell..."
> I think that word does not mean what you think it means.
> 
> 13. "The pay scale ranges from $121,956 to $168,700 a year."
> "Let me see, if I retire in a year at 50% of my final salary of $170k, I can go live in the Bahamas..."
> 
> 14. 'The duties of the incoming IT senior project managers include maintaining current IT programs, blueprinting replacement systems and developing a strategy for moving the existing systems to the "Shell."'
> "So we made this cool brand name that sounds really tech. Now we need you to figure out how to wedge the old stuff into the new brand."
> 
> 15. "The managers will also have to justify to Congress..."
> Because the Director and the CIO aren't going up to The Hill any more than they absolutely have to. Here's the Band-Aid box, you go.
> 
> 16. "...produce progress reports for the Office of Management and Budget."
> That well known IT and InfoSec organization known as OMB.
> 
> 17. "Meanwhile, some members of Congress are seeking more details about OPM's planned technology overhaul. Sen. James Lankford, R-Okla., last month sent Archuleta a letter asking whether OPM would revise the IT strategy in light of the breaches. Lankford said he was then told the answer was no."
> I mean, a junior director of Baptist Student Ministries knows all about IT architecture and infosec processes and procedures. Doesn't he? I mean, he has been directing teenage evangelists for years, and they have computers and cell phones. How different can it be?
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Lankford <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Lankford>
> "From 1996 to 2009, Lankford was the student ministries and evangelism specialist for the Baptist General Convention of Oklahoma, and he was director of the Falls Creek youth programming at the Falls Creek Baptist Conference Center in Davis, Oklahoma. He stepped down on September 1, 2009, to run for Congress."
> 
> 18. '"I am concerned by your statement that you do not intend to revise OPM's IT strategic plan," he wrote in a follow-up letter to Archuleta on Thursday...'
> "I need you to come back and 'splain me what you mean by "firewall". Is that some heathen ritual to pagan gods?"

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