[Infowarrior] - The 12 most annoying Facebookers

[Richard Forno]

The 12 most annoying Facebookers
By Brandon Griggs, CNN
October 24, 2009 -- Updated 1542 GMT (2342 HKT)

http://edition.cnn.com/2009/TECH/10/24/annoying.facebook.updaters/index.html

(CNN) -- Facebook, for better or worse, is like being at a big party  
with all your friends, family, acquaintances and co-workers.
There are lots of fun, interesting people you're happy to talk to when  
they stroll up. Then there are the other people, the ones who make you  
cringe when you see them coming. This article is about those people.

Sure, Facebook can be a great tool for keeping up with folks who are  
important to you. Take the status update, the 160-character message  
that users post in response to the question, "What's on your mind?" An  
artful, witty or newsy status update is a pleasure -- a real-time,  
tiny window into a friend's life.

But far more posts read like navel-gazing diary entries, or worse,  
spam. A recent study categorized 40 percent of Twitter tweets as  
"pointless babble," and it wouldn't be surprising if updates on  
Facebook, still a fast-growing social network, break down in a similar  
way.

Combine dull status updates with shameless self-promoters, "friend- 
padders" and that friend of a friend who sends you quizzes every day,  
and Facebook becomes a daily reminder of why some people can get on  
your nerves.

Here are 12 of the most annoying types of Facebook users:

The Let-Me-Tell-You-Every-Detail-of-My-Day Bore. "I'm waking up." "I  
had Wheaties for breakfast." "I'm bored at work." "I'm stuck in  
traffic." You're kidding! How fascinating! No moment is too mundane  
for some people to broadcast unsolicited to the world. Just because  
you have 432 Facebook friends doesn't mean we all want to know when  
you're waiting for the bus.

The Self-Promoter. OK, so we've probably all posted at least once  
about some achievement. And sure, maybe your friends really do want to  
read the fascinating article you wrote about beet farming. But when  
almost EVERY update is a link to your blog, your poetry reading, your  
10k results or your art show, you sound like a bragger or a self- 
centered careerist.

The Friend-Padder. The average Facebook user has 120 friends on the  
site. Schmoozers and social butterflies -- you know, the ones who make  
lifelong pals on the subway -- might reasonably have 300 or 400. But  
1,000 "friends?" Unless you're George Clooney or just won the lottery,  
no one has that many. That's just showing off.

The Town Crier. "Michael Jackson is dead!!!" You heard it from me  
first! Me, and the 213,000 other people who all saw it on TMZ. These  
Matt Drudge wannabes are the reason many of us learn of breaking news  
not from TV or news sites but from online social networks. In their  
rush to trumpet the news, these people also spread rumors, half-truths  
and innuendo. No, Jeff Goldblum did not plunge to his death from a New  
Zealand cliff.

The TMIer. "Brad is heading to Walgreens to buy something for these  
pesky hemorrhoids." Boundaries of privacy and decorum don't seem to  
exist for these too-much-information updaters, who unabashedly offer  
up details about their sex lives, marital troubles and bodily  
functions. Thanks for sharing.

The Bad Grammarian. "So sad about Fara Fauset but Im so gladd its  
friday yippe". Yes, I know the punctuation rules are different in the  
digital world. And, no, no one likes a spelling-Nazi schoolmarm. But  
you sound like a moron.

The Sympathy-Baiter. "Barbara is feeling sad today." "Man, am I glad  
that's over." "Jim could really use some good news about now." Like  
anglers hunting for fish, these sad sacks cast out their hooks --  
baited with vague tales of woe -- in the hopes of landing concerned  
responses. Genuine bad news is one thing, but these manipulative posts  
are just pleas for attention.

The Lurker. The Peeping Toms of Facebook, these voyeurs are too  
cautious, or maybe too lazy, to update their status or write on your  
wall. But once in a while, you'll be talking to them and they'll  
mention something you posted, so you know they're on your page, hiding  
in the shadows. It's just a little creepy.

The Crank. These curmudgeons, like the trolls who spew hate in blog  
comments, never met something they couldn't complain about. "Carl  
isn't really that impressed with idiots who don't realize how idiotic  
they are." [Actual status update.] Keep spreading the love.

The Paparazzo. Ever visit your Facebook page and discover that  
someone's posted a photo of you from last weekend's party -- a photo  
you didn't authorize and haven't even seen? You'd really rather not  
have to explain to your mom why you were leering like a drunken hyena  
and French-kissing a bottle of Jagermeister.

The Obscurist. "If not now then when?" "You'll see..." "Grist for the  
mill." "John is, small world." "Dave thought he was immune, but no.  
No, he is not." [Actual status updates, all.] Sorry, but you're not  
being mysterious -- just nonsensical.

The Chronic Inviter. "Support my cause. Sign my petition. Play Mafia  
Wars with me. Which 'Star Trek' character are you? Here are the 'Top 5  
cars I have personally owned.' Here are '25 Things About Me.' Here's a  
drink. What drink are you? We're related! I took the 'What President  
Are You?' quiz and found out I'm Millard Fillmore! What president are  
you?"

You probably mean well, but stop. Just stop. I don't care what  
president I am -- can't we simply be friends? Now excuse me while I go  
post the link to this story on my Facebook page.