[Infowarrior] - OT: Administratium Discovered

[Richard Forno]

New chemical Element Discovered
by William DeBuvitz

http://www.lhup.edu/~dsimanek/administ.htm

     This bit of humor was written in April 1988 and appeared in the  
January 1989 issue of The Physics Teacher. William DeBuvitz is a  
physics professor at Middlesex County College in Edison, New Jersey  
(USA). He retired in June of 2000.

The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by  
investigators at a major U.S. research university. The element,  
tentatively named administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus  
has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 125  
assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons,  
which gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held  
together by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson- 
like particles called morons.

Since it has no electrons, administratium is inert. However, it can be  
detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact  
with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of administratium  
causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would  
have normally occurred in less than a second.

Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at  
which time it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization  
in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant vice neutrons  
exchange places. Some studies have shown that the atomic mass actually  
increases after each reorganization.

Research at other laboratories indicates that administratium occurs  
naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points  
such as government agencies, large corporations, and universities. It  
can usually be found in the newest, best appointed, and best  
maintained buildings.

Scientists point out that administratium is known to be toxic at any  
level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction  
where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to  
determine how administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible  
damage, but results to date are not promising.