Birthday Wishes. Attrition-style!

(which means we forgot something... see the end)

On This Most auspicious


God-damned, most-fucking-excellent of occasions,

all of us here at Attrition, present and former staff, volunteers, interns, indentured servants,

farm animals, cats, squirrels, bots, friends & neighbors^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H

Everyone in all of the known and unknown *[multi]verses

are eager to...


experienced multiple, sustained orgasms of cosmic intensity & duration wish our *cough* old friend...

an honest-to-goodness, sweet-baby-jeebus, Happy-fucking-Birthday, dammit!

p.s. Jesus-fuck you are old Lyger. And ugly. The best part of you are your cats that we're still trying to remotely train over Zoom to crap on your chest.

p.p.s. Holy awkward-snarky-doubletakes, mauvehed was serious about sharing a birthday with Lyger! In honor of this coincidence, future staff applications (expect rejection) will require you to include not only your name, spirit animal, gamertag, and TikTok handle, but also you must share the same birthday (good luck) to match an existing staff member's birthday. This will minimize application processing time and make it much easier for our decrepit old brains to remember these days for subsequent harassment.

Staff, volunteers, bots, and small woodland creatures extend cordial but belated birthday wishes to mauvehed and would like to invite him to enjoy his nightly geriatric Ovaltine before his 8:30pm bedtime (no exceptions!) before catching his favorite Nick At Night reruns on cable streaming Usenet / torrent aggregator. xoxo 😘

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