New Blood, Old Habits, and the Same Shit

Mon 31 May 2021 11:50:05 AM EDT


After years of stagnancy, with a few half-asses that barely updated anything other than each other's .profile as jokes, things have changed. A volunteer from ages ago that floated in and out of the Attrition periphery, along with a new asshole, are here to breathe life into this stale site. Or try to since one juggles 87 hobbies and the other watches movies.

mauvehed: Hater of CyberSecurity, Troll, and Shenanigator, in no particular order. Youngest of the Attrition staff (still diaper-training). Almost as crotchety as Jericho, but without an actual crotch. His official full-time position at is harassing everyone on Attrition staff except Lyger, and getting assigned more work for it. A recovering soberist, his poison of choice is the tears and other bodily fluids of DEF CON Humans. For some ridiculous reason his career took a turn for the better when he became a Promotional Mascot for non-testicular men, he says he's "been having a ball" since. It's been downhill ever since. He is currently considering a career move to squirrel herder or Las Vegas dancer (both bite.) When he says "you'll love it", the rest of the staff run away shrieking. Some people have FOMO, mauvehed has FML since that gardening accident that took his testicles. Oh, and he has a love/hate relationship with GoDaddy; he hates to love them. Please email him and ask how his ballet lessons are going. He's the spiky one.| mauvehed(at)

Martums: Definitely the shy one. Fifteen years later he was too timid to ask for promotion from intern and was apparently still searching for 'pico'. Executive research assistant, typo detectvie, and our court-appointed shrink, we go to him when we need a shoulder to cry on, lick, or puke on. He's been banned from seven Canadian support groups but has faith his eighth will accept him since it is over Zoom and he never turns the camera on unless his pants are off or being worn up to his armpits. When he isn't watching Rom-Coms or re-runs of Phil Donahue (he cries during both), you can probably find him putting finishing touches on his erotic dance routine set to the theme of the A-Team. Vice President and Spokesperson of the 'Fainting Couch Revolution', his life-long mission to bring back both opportunistic fainting as well as fainting couches is admirable. The only staff member that isn't routinely picked out of the line for "additional screening", you would not believe what we can smuggle up his bum. Sometimes he doesn't realize it either. Once he got into a "polite contest" with a Canadian Mountie... and won, but subsequently lost to a Canadian Moose during rutting. Holder of 93 patents around Camelid husbandry, he plans to cash in and retire in sixty years to live a mediocre life, only to die a day later. A 47-year old virgin and 20-year intern, he's the clean-cut one. | martums(at)

In the coming weeks you may see changes around here, or maybe not. Mauvehed is making us learn Trello while we curse everything about him while Martums keeps asking if we've seen this "great 1947 flick from Lithuania"'. It took about 36 hours for Mauvehed to regret this as Jericho now makes a Trello card for everything, often sending voice clips shouting "TRELLO CARD". As with a lot of what we do, a good chunk of it is behind the scenes in various ways but we're still (mostly) here. We bartered D2D for two cases of Nutter Butters and a Detective Comics #31. They haven't arrived yet but we're free of D2D at least.

Attrition Staff

p.s. We found Punkis, still in WitSec in a midwestern state living a peaceful life on his new donkey farm.

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