Movie Bits The 13th Floor, Scary Movie 2, Jurassic Park

The Thirteenth Floor: Basically this is an "Outer Limits" or some other show on the Sci-Fi Channel where the lines between reality and fantasy are blurred. The film starts strong presenting an entrancing plot, then about halfway through it just dies and it turns into some goofy love story. It is yet another of those metaphysical virtual-reality thrillers, that is in reality virtually less than thrilling. The setting of "The Thirteenth Floor" is Los Angeles in 1937 where our story begins with Hammond Fuller (Armin Mueller-Stahl) leaving after a tryst with his mistress, down to the hotel's club where he leaves a letter for someone and goes home to his wife. As he lies in bed, he is suddenly transported to Los Angeles 1999. The 1937 world was a computer simulation. Fuller is murdered and his business partner Douglas Hall (Craig Bierko) is suspected by the police as committing the murder to prevent Fuller from shutting down the operation and his previously unknown daughter (Gretchen Mol) from inheriting the company. This was a great storyline until the movie looses focus with the ill-placed love story. The lead characters were cast with virtual unknowns and conversely the supporting roles are filled with experienced actors.

Billz Movie Worthiness Scale: D

Scary Movie 2:: I can describe this movie in a few words: Insipid. Weak. Listless. Unnecessary. This movie was a miserable attempt to parody "The Exorcist", "Hollow Man", "What Lies Beneath", and "House on Haunted Hill". "Scary Movie 2" was only made because the first movie did so well and the Wayans wanted to milk the cow dry. The first movie had entertainment value, but it was also should have been a one time deal. Some things you can't, or shouldn't try to do again. The first half hour of "Scary Movie 2" had some humor in it, but it just deteriorated as time went on. The movie is filled with references and jokes about blow jobs, which just gets stupid after a while. The same jokes keep getting recycled and drag on way too long. This movie was a waste of time, as well as a waste of money.

Billz Movie Worthiness Scale: D

Jurassic Park III: Talk about beating a dead horse, or in this case, a dead dinosaur. JP3 is like the above disastrous waste of film.....just cashing in on the past success and name value of previous endevors, but offers nothing this time around. This one is even worse than JP2. The plot is lame and preposterous. Basically these two parasailers disappear near Isla Sorna, where dinosaurs were once bred. Next, a couple, Paul and Amanda, who claim to be adventure tourist, approach Dr. Alan Grant and ask him to be a "tour guide" over the island. The couple (William H. Macy and Tea Leoni) turn out to be the parents of one of the young parasailers and land their plane on the island. Long story short; they are unable to leave the island via the means by which they came. Of course typical incredulous stuff happens......they find unlikely survivors, a satellite phone survives ingestion, digestion, and expulsion out of a dinosaur and still works, the main characters always manage to escape imminent death. The main characters all stay on a formal Mr/Mrs surname basis, even though they are all ready to die on this island together, you'd think they'd be on a first name basis by then. This film is poorly cast. William Macy should be more careful in picking his projects, and Tea Leoni once again provides empirical evidence that she can't act. Her character and portrayal thereof was annoying and inept. I prayed through the film that she would get eaten, but alas she didn't, of course in keeping with Hollywood, the token Black guy of the film was the first to go. The only thing that made me not want to get up and go was the fact that two other women behind me were cheering for the dinosaurs, so I knew that I was not alone in my misery.
Hopefully, by reading this, I can spare others the same.

Billz Movie Worthiness Scale: E-

Billz Movie Worthiness Scale Values:

A = movie tickets and popcorn for 2 (about $40)
B = buy the DVD when it comes out ($25)
C = rent it
D = wait for it to be on cable/pay TV
E = wait for it to be on regular TV


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