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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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A Question Answered
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Why do females compare themselves to supermodels, actresses, and music stars?
The answer to that question has transpired to myself today, and I am going
to share that with you this night.
Earlier today I came home from work. No one was really around to do
anything with so I figured I might as well check out a friends web page
that had just been re-done. Going through the different pages, I found one
that held pictures (images) of different females that he thinks are
beautiful, or what he finds attractive. No wonder him and I never amounted
to anything more then friends.
Even though he is not one to only be with girls that look a certain way,
going through the page, and looking through the pictures, I started doing
something that I have not done in a long time - compare myself. Of course
the pictures are re-touched, buffed, airbrushed, or perhaps some of them
actually manage to be real - either way though, I look nothing close to how
they do. Some of them, there are flaws or things I can see that I like
better about myself, or at least that I do not like about them. However,
for the majority, I wish I could look that good to someone else.
There are two things I pride myself on, though I rarely get the chance to
show off as I would like to and that is my hair and my ass. I know I have
great hair, and I have a great little ass. Though that does not catch the
eyes usually like a girl that has a great set of eyes, or whatever. The
rest of me is in great shape. I know this. As time goes by, it will
continue to get in better and better shape as I continue to work out and
keep with my new way of living.
The last few months though, I have not been able to work out like I
promised myself I would (which I had stuck to fairly well, up until then).
My stress and tension has been building up inside of me, and has not only
resulted in headaches more frequently (usually I never get headaches),
scattered thoughts (not so much writing), inability to concentrate as much
as I should, and now troubled sleep. All of those put together, for this
length of time turns out a very unhappy sort of girl. One that is crabby
or snappy, one that does not smile as much, and one that sighs now more
then talks. I hate how I have allowed myself to come. What can I do?
Tomorrow I will be going to a doctor, and hopefully will get the go ahead
to being able to work out again. If not, I better get a damn quick remedy
to the reason that has been keeping me from being able to do my usual
routine. Three months is _too_ long of a time!
"I like you when you're angry", "You're cute when you're upset." Oh,
that's a _great_ reason to push my buttons. If it wasn't for the fact that
I knew the person was just trying to get to me, because they think I get
cute that way, I would beat them. Goodness knows I have beaten others, why
should they be any different? Because they are just trying to lighten up
my mood.
A question answered ... "Why do girls always compare themselves?" Hate to
say it, but it's not just media such as television, movies, and music, it's
how males and females alike react to the ones that are in the media. The
'media' and 'society' are just as guilty of it as the ones of us that are
reading this file. We have all done it. Thought, spoken, gesture, etc.
first instinct or impulse, thinking someone is awesome looking, great, or
wanting to get to know them based off of how they look or act - not based
off of what we know.
Going through the links on the page, there are little titles with the
pictures, saying what he likes about the different pictures. I would say I
would think it would make them feel like a goddess having someone do that
to them, though I know better than that, too.
Having yourself dissected in front of however many people is not a
compliment, but a way to rip apart someone from their very spirit. It
hurts more then compliments. It can be laughed off, shrugged away, or
forgotten, but somehow heard or seen enough it seeps in - leaving an effect.
When males (or females for that matter) glamorize the other (stars of some
sort), how can we not look at ourselves and compare? It's only natural.
Natural ways though are not always the most uplifting, and there must be
some way of snapping out of it. Not letting yourself be dragged through
the mud. Each of us are created looking slightly different and some of us
greatly different from others. That should be a plus not a strike against us.
Yet, there I was, comparing myself to them. How they had their hair, wore
make-up (which I do not even wear, though maybe I should?), dressed, and
just overall looked. It's not healthy, it's not wise, and it^Òs not good.
Though how could I help myself. Thoughts started slowly slipping into my
mind "No wonder he didn't like my eyes." in reaction to seeing how the
girls eyeliner seemed to be almost a 1/4 inch thick around her eyes. "My
hair looks like that and I'm told I look too submissive for anyone's
liking." Yeah right.
Maybe my attitude is a bit large, or overwhelming, though when I have not
had it at times, people miss it and encourage me to have it again. If it
weren't for how I am, I would not be me. There is no one else that I would
rather be, yet I find myself wondering what it would be like to be someone
that this person would find beautiful.
"I'm not beautiful to some people." "Isn't it the point of the person doing
the picture to show your true beauty?"
Cut the hair, dye the hair, buy new lipstick, start doing heavy eye makeup.
All things that I could do, and have done. Is it worth it in the end? No.
The pictures are just what he found to be beautiful; it's not limited to or
all-inclusive. Remembering though, that numerous people have often
wondered what makes a girl think less of herself, or why they sometimes
compare themselves to others, I figured I might as well help Answer that
Question. Since I finally realized I held a piece of the answer, tell me -
is the Question Answered?
- Me, Myself, and I
11/09/98
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