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=   F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K.   =
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                        Escape vs. Running Away
                        -----------------------

"Do you ever think about just disappearing?"

"Yeah ... and in a few years, I probably will."

* * *

Pros, cons, how-to's, when, and why.  How many times have you thought about
'if only I could just disappear ... "?  I know I have thought about it too
many times to count!

Is it possible to disappear?  Yes.

Is it wise to disappear?  Maybe.

Is it right for you?  Maybe.

Is it the same as running away?  It shouldn't be.

* * *

-Pros-

- You are able to start over.

- You do not need to deal with the same people.

- You do not need to do the same things as you once did.

- You can go somewhere else, do something else, be someone else.


-Cons-

- You do not stay close with anyone that you may or may not be close
  with now.

- You lose a part of what could be, someday.

- If you're doing it because of something you, yourself did or had apart in,
  you will never leave that behind.  Even though, you may not have to deal
  with all the responsibility of having taken part in whatever.


-How-Tos-

- Pack up all the things you think you will need, bare essentials.

- Tie up any loose ends.

- Hop in a car, in a plane, boat, or other source of transportation, and
  you are on your way to your new life.


-When-

When is the right time to just 'disappear'?  That is debatable.  But,
something only you, yourself can decide.


-Why-

Why is something that only you should be able to figure out, and know ... and
be something that is so long lasting, that it truly would have an effect on
the rest of your life if you stayed or disappeared.


-Possibility-

The possibility of being able to successfully disappear is more and more
easier, and because of that, at least for me, more and more appealing.
Appealing not because it is easier, just because I know it is something I
could seriously do and make it work.


-Wise-

Are you going to be missed?  Yes.  By who?  Maybe someone you know really
well and maybe someone you basically do not even know, but you will be
missed, no matter how few of people you believe care about you.  The question
is, can you honestly leave everything behind?  Not have any contact with them
again, except through anonymous channels, and most likely never see them face
to face again, without running the risk of being discovered.  Can you
honestly do that?  A decision that cannot be made logically, without
rationally taking time and thinking and carefully considering all other
possibilities.


-Right-

Is leading a life of disappearance something you can live with?  Not knowing,
and just getting up and leaving someday.  Is it something that you would
be okay with having done, and would be able to do again, without running away
from anything.


-Running Away-

Disappearing and running away are the -not- the same thing.

What's the difference?

The difference is simple.  Running away, you are running because you do not
want to necessarily face something, deal with something, or do something.
Whereas if you disappear, you are merely starting over.  Able to start over
and do things right, or at least differently.  Not having to put up with the
crap from the same people ... 


-Idea-

The idea to write this file was suggested by the person that I had, had the
above conversation with, and now that I have been writing it, there are some
additional things that need to be said.

Maybe disappearing -is- possible, and maybe there are cases where disappearing
-is- the right thing to do.  The questions above need to be thought about,
and the facts have to be considered.  Also, though it is most important to
know that even though if you disappear you will not be dealing with the same
people and their crap, there will be other people and other things you will
not like to have to deal with, are you going to then disappear, again?  How
many times are you willing to disappear?  How many times can you disappear
before it really is just running away?  Or is running away really the same
thing as disappearing?


The difference lies in this:  When you pull a disappearing act, you do not
necessarily leave the area that you are residing in, etc.  You may just leave
the 'scene' or 'world' that you have come to live in and be known in ... in
essence just changing the way you have been living, and staking your claims
back to your life, and not claiming other parts of it.  And, the reasons for
doing that still fall under the same above questions, but when you are talking
about disappearing from the 'scene' or or 'world', that is one thing, and that
is -not- the same as running away.  That is more moving on with your life, or
starting over.  However, when you disappear from everything and start a new
life, even though that may be the only way you can start a true new life then
that is what you need to do.  But, if you disappear because you are sick of
dealing with something, that is more just because you are unwilling to stand
up for yourself, or stake your own life and take it back, then that is when
you are running away, and that is when you will always keep on running from
that point onward, if you start.

Before you disappear, make sure you know if you are just merely disappearing
or if you are just merely running away.  Because, there is a difference, the
difference is larger then you may ever realize, until it is too late, if you
do not take the time to figure out "Disappearance vs. Running Away".


-Kamira
December 26th, 1997
kamira@sekurity.org
www.sekurity.org/~kamira

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