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=   F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K.   =
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                          No Face
                          -------

I remember when I first read the very first post I ever saw you in ... I
knew then that you were someone I wanted to get to know better.  It was
shortly after that day that we first started talking, and found out that
you were a brother to the guy that I was currently in a relationship with
... and that you were the same guy that one of my girlfriends had talked
about.

As the weeks and months went on, we would talk about various things, and
gradually became very good friends.  It was you who I'd call when I had
gotten into another fight with J., it was you who would always help me
through it, and it was you who was there for me.  Even though, we were not
face to face, you opened your heart to me and gave me a shoulder to lean on
when I needed it the most.

Now as the years have gone by, we have gone through other relationships
with various people, and even went on non-speaking terms for a while
because of it.  But, now we are once again back as being friends. 

When I was feeling down and out, or just wanted to talk some time away, I
could always call you.  You always managed to help me feel better, forget
about whatever, or just make it all seem a lot more manageable.  We were
good friends.  Each only able to describe each other as a "story", when
asked how we would describe each other in one word.

It was you that were there for me, so many times.  It was you who I
originally went down south to meet ... for the first time in five years of
knowing each other.  After everything that we had been through, and
everything that we had shared, we now were going to meet face to face.  As
the time neared you were scarce, but still swore that you wanted to meet.
As the day came, you were sick, and you were sick the whole time, and for
two weeks afterwards that I had been down there.  We never met.  Still you
have No Face.

Now it having been a month since we could have met, we barely talk.  I've
picked up the phone numerous times and tried to call you, but you were
always busy, or would call me back ... was it just to get me off the phone,
or are you really that absent-minded?  When I sit down and think things
through, I'd say that you were just brushing me off, and wanted me gone.
But after all this time, would you really do that?  And would you not just
have the guts to tell me that out-right?  Why waste time playing games?
Neither of us feel that we have enough time to waste playing games, so why
does it feel like that is all this has ever been?

Even though you have no face, in my memory or my mind, your heart is very
close to mine ... or so I thought.

Maybe it's not so much you have No Face, more like you have No Guts or No
Heart or is it No Brain?  Either way, I know that you will never have a
Face in my life, so it is these words that I say as we depart...


-Me, Myself, and I.

07/23/98

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