=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Another Massacre Would Be a Nice Change
---------------------------------------
Anyone who's read my previous postings knows I don't enjoy holidays.
Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a wet blanket for celebrations or
occasions in general...Naw, screw that. I'm more than a wet blanket. I'm
a massive body of water with some string and shards of cloth floating in it.
Holidays and occasions in general are depleting and gratuitous, and the
bulk of them are whipped up with more marketing intent and less meaning
than if the Messiah's return was a Pay-Per-View event. What's worse, the
vast majority of you monkey-breeders have the audacity to make me feel as
if I'm a jaded gloom-monger for having the self-dignity to stand up and
urinate verbally on what you've been conned into dishing out cash for as an
annual event.
Phew...with THAT off my chest...
I've come out against birthdays, and the subsequent greeting-card industry
that has most of you grazing on meager scraps of holidays like "Boss's Day"
and fit to be sheared. For all of my bluster about Catholic-abandoned and
profiteer-adopted holidays like Xmas and Easter, at least their premise was
built on a two-century old, widely-accepted scrap of Euro-promoted
folklore. Besides, since I'll still be seeing Xmas lights in my
neighborhood until April (and turned ON, no less, you mind-wiped,
brainwashed, Patty Herst-esque drones), I'll only swallow my tongue in
ostentatious-induced disgust.
No, in truth, there is nothing more reprehensible than the mass-appeal of
the Madison Ave holidays. How can you distinguish them from normal, event
or commemorative-related holidays? How about this as acid kool-aid test:
If you get your mail, and the banks are open, IT'S NOT A @(*#! HOLIDAY! To
put it even plainer than that: NO CAR DEALERSHIP "EXTRAVAGANZA" = NO
HOLIDAY.
There is one that stands out in my mind when I started this, and one more
profit-motivated than post-Civil War carpetbagger with a quota:
Valentine's Day.
This card-and-candy concoction is why I haven't a doubt in my mind that if
Orson Wells were still alive, he could get you people to form militias
against an invading horde of Leprechauns. I know it's based on a saint and
some-event-or-another, but you know for a fact nobody's celebrating this to
pay homage to his long-dead ass when about half the Hallmark cards and
jewelry store promotions have dropped the "Saint" without most of you even
noticing it. Even the drunkest Irishman pays enough respect to another
meaningless holiday to never wish you a "Happy Patrick's Day".
Additionally, aside from obvious marketing-mongering involved, it's how
engrained this holiday has become in society's expectations. I mean, if
you're single, you are left to feel like the loneliest soul in the world
for an entire day - and probably wouldn't even feel comfortable
masturbating within that 24hr period guiltlessly unless you bought yourself
a card first. Even then, if someone does happen to get you a card because
you have NO one, then you are miraculously transformed from "loneliest" to
"most pitiful" in your self-evaluation of how you fit in with pop culture.
For those folks, I think they should feel obliged as part of a social
damage-control to put anti-depressants into those candy hearts that pop up
every year like Australian rabbits, with messages like "TAKE THE GUN OUT OF
YOUR MOUTH".
In some ways, it probably easier to endure this indignity alone rather than
as part of a couple. At least when you're single, you can fill a mug of
tears among fellow commiserators and make the best of hanging out,
dateless. If you're IN a relationship, watch out...
Being forced to romance on demand is second in performance anxiety to
having to fill the cup at a physical exam. Just TRY and let this one slip
by in most relationships, and you might as well try to sneak into the Oval
Office wearing a turban with an AK-47 stuffed up your butt. What's worse is
that this V-day they dropped the statistic into circulation that men spend
over $100 on this holiday as opposed to women's $50. Well thank you very
fragin' much, 6 o'clock news...now if I can't at least be statistically
comparable, I might as well throw in the towel as far as sexual intimacy
goes rather than waiting to get turned down.
Face it folks, you've been had. I'm sure a number of you would rear the
ugly head of "so what if it's not real holiday? I think it's a nice
sentiment..." Really? Then I wish people would set up a holiday for
whoever the Patron Saint of the Mute and Tongueless is, and spend a day
expressing nothing at all.
capone
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
= Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions =
= Mail: jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) =
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
= To receive new issues through mail, mail jericho@dimensional.com with =
= "subscribe fuck". If you do not have FTP access and would like back =
= issues, send a list of any missing issues and they will be mailed. =
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
= AnonFTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK =
= FTP.SEKURITY.ORG/pub/zines/fucked.up.college.kids =
= FTP.GIGA.OR.AT/pub/hackers/zines/FUCK =
= FTP.ETEXT.ORG/pub/Zines/FUCK =
= WWW http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho =
= http://www.reps.net/~krypt/fuck.html =
= http://www.simunye.com/fuck =
= http://www.dis.org/se7en/fuck =
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
= (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author. =
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=