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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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Why I Stayed
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Many times I've been asked by friends (guys and girls) why females
stay with guys that treat them like shit. It wasn't until recently
that I fully understood something - that once again I was staying with a
guy that was treating me like shit, or at least not the way that I should
be treated.
One of the things I noticed within the many files of F.U.C.K. is that a few
guys have taken the time and voiced their opinion about why they think and
what they think they can do in regards to why girls stay with guys that are
jerks. And, this file is partially dealing with that same issue. However,
from the point of view of the girl that stayed with the guy that treated her
like shit.
I've been through a lot in my life. I don't want pity or sympathy, but that
is a fact of my life - it's never been that easy for me. However, I am not
complaining, just letting you know more of where I am coming from on all of
this ...
A little over three years ago, I started going to chat, and I fell in with
a group of people that quickly accepted me into their group of friends and
made me feel very welcome. It was not that long after that a friend of mine
introduced me to a friend of his, that he thought I'd get along with great.
J. ended up coming up and visiting me, but he brought a friend with him.
That friend, had a live-in girlfriend at the time, but that night when we all
met, that didn't really seem to matter that much, because we flirted just
the same. J. and I didn't click at all face to face - for numerous reasons.
However, the friend and I did - wonderfully!
As time went by, the friend got rid of his live-in girlfriend. They had
grown apart, etc. And, at that time he admitted that he had had feelings
for me since the first time he had ever seen me. That one night so long
ago, he started to like me, and knew for sure he wanted me in his life
forever.
Years went by and we were best of friends, I was totally open and honest with
him, and shared the most parts of my life with him, more than I had ever done
with anyone else before, including the various guys that I dated throughout
that time.
It is only now, after finding out that he has lied to me for the last year
or so, about how he felt for me, what he wanted for 'us' and everything else
that I really realize now, that I was nothing more for him then a simple
convince. Someone that he could call up and talk with whenever he wanted,
I'd drop whatever else was going on, and talk with him. If I was tired, it
wouldn't matter I'd still talk.
When he came and saw me the last time, he treated me like a COMPLETE
princess, bought and paid for everything and we were able to do whatever
I had wanted to do! I was on cloud nine! However, little did I know that
his promise of returning within the next six months would not happen, nor
did I really think much of it when he somehow 'forgot' my 21st birthday,
even though he had remembered every day that we had talked until that day.
Whenever he wanted things worked out, he would get his way. Now that
I look back on it, it's very sickening. Then a couple of months ago,
things started to change, and I started to call him once in a while,
instead of just waiting for him to answer my pages, which would sometimes
take up to a few days.. because he was "so busy".
Finally, after numerous talks, something had to change that last week,
I had had it. Having talked with a few friends of mine, and finding out
that he had been telling them the very same thing though the only
difference it was about them, instead of him and I ... and I confronted
him again about something of the sort, which of course he denied, I couldn't
take it anymore. So, last night I called him and said good-bye to him,
one final time.
He supposedly never wanted to hurt me, he never wanted to make me feel like
a luxury - but maybe that is how he looked at it. Maybe he was trying
to get me mad at him, etc ... that's what he thought might have happened.
But the thing was, that I had told him, and everyone else knows, if you
don't shoot straight with me, you're not going to stay in my life. And,
I had kept him in my life way longer than I should have, that's for sure!
The times we'd talk and the days that we didn't I'd get more and more
emotional, and things kept seeming more and more wrong. Though, whenever
we talked, I thought things would be fine. I had been through enough
relationships to know that this one was headed for trouble.
Now, we never committed, but when you talk about yourself and someone in the
sense that he and I talked about 'us' there is a certain level of trust or
commitment made. The kind of commitment you wouldn't refer to two girls
the same way at the same time as.
Why did I stay with him and put up with everything for so long? Because, I
kept thinking that things could be different ... and that maybe I just needed
to wait things out.
But, you know what? Nothing was going to change. And, I got sick of waiting
around for 'someday' to finally come.
I lived three years of my life, waiting for 'someday' to come, only to have
my heart and life totally shattered, I am through waiting like that again,
only to end up broken in the end. So finally I said good-bye and get out of
my life.
When your gut tells you things aren't right, they aren't right. When you
find yourself thinking one thing while alone, and not being able to stand
your ground when that one is around, things aren't right. When it's
really right you don't lose yourself, instead you share yourself and
the other person shares themselves with you, and together you become two
that are so much more complete and more whole than ever before.
Why I stayed, I hope to never repeat again. And, I hope if you are staying
because you think things will change or get better, you realize it a lot
sooner than later - and get out. Remember, there is no angel that will
lend her hand down to you and help you get out, you need to do it yourself
and those that truly care will support you. Even if there is no one that
will support you, deep down in your heart you will know you are finally
doing the right thing and not stay.
-Kamira
January 24th, 1998
Please note: That staying in bad relationships doesn't necessarily mean just
romantic/sexual ones. Friendships and other types of relationships, or ones
that are somewhat borderline (like the one I am talking about above) can be
just as damaging to you and your life, if you don't get out.
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