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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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Drove to Suicide
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@ In loving memory of John V. May you Rest in Peace. @
For a while I have been debating whether or not I should write this file, but
obviously you have now seen my final decision.
"If you hear anything long enough, you are going to start to believe it."
Which is the same type of logic as "You can get use to anything, given enough
time."
Having been picked on, ignored and extremely shy because of that John never
made a lot of friends. Once he got to HS that only was amplified. Until he
found some people that he could really hang out with, and they had something
that helped him relax and unwind, and helped him be just him. Drugs,
especially the pot really helped him relax, and then he wasn't so shy and
nervous about things. He could deal with things better.
People didn't think he'd be able to hear them, or know what they were really
saying. Or they just didn't care. It's no surprise that people can be
cruel, but so cruel that it would drive someone to commit suicide?
Not just one person can be blamed for the suicide of John. Because, really
as a society, it is somewhat all of our fault. Too many of us, or just people
in general do not think before they speak, before they act, before they tear
someone down and rip them apart. People judge without knowing, people give
up on someone without trying. People make quick rationalizations to excuse
what they have done or said or been ... but that does not change the fact of
how it effects the other person.
The HS was filled with hockey players, football players and other jocks.
Cheerleaders and people that thought that they were better then others. And,
that they could tell how someone was by just merely seeing them a couple of
times. Never giving a second chance, and never changing their minds.
"If someone is really going to kill themselves, there is nothing anyone can
do." That is not true, in my opinion.
What drove John to suicide, was a life that people constantly expected more
then he could give and then were disappointed in him when he could not
deliver. Where people always looked down upon him, because of height, once
he got taller, then his friends or his hobbies, and if not that then, his
views of the world.
It is said that the truly great minds and artists are never truly appreciated
in their time. I think that can also sometimes be true with truly great
people. Maybe they didn't live a great life, or as great as they could have,
but, the potential was there, and no one ever nurtured it.
If no one ever would support you, love you, nurture you, in this life, you
would not get very far, and anywhere you -did- manage to get, you would not
be able to stay there for very long, because you wouldn't have the confidence
needed to sustain the blows and pitfalls of life.
Supposedly one of the best things in life is a smile. Can you imagine your
life with no smile? It would be pretty dark, wouldn't it? Maybe you do not
smile, and you hate smiles and happiness ... and you prefer the darkness
because it is more comfortable.
There comes a point in time when you should realize that you need to live
your life for yourself, and not for others. But, if you never have the
encouragement to even live how are you going to get that point?
In a some movie or TV show I have seen in my life, I remember a guy sitting
there and saying how he was made. It was how his parents explained his
conception. "That his parents just loved each other so much, that one night
they loved each other so much more, that you came to live as a testimony of
that love.". It would be nice if everyone felt loved, needed, and got the
affection and nurturing they needed, but too many do not. Though, that is not
what this article is about.
I am writing this, because I think, we, as individuals or groups can really
make a difference in others lives, that are around us. We, as people have
the power to communicate beyond an animal level, we have the power of under-
standing, and we should use it. Put yourself in the place of another, and
see how much you like it, and if you don't like it, is there something you
can do help make it better for that person? If we only did that for each of
the people that matter anything to us, then this whole world would be much
better and happier place ... because then every person would know that at
least one person, this universe cares about them. Cares whether they live
or die, are doing good or bad, sad or happy.
There is only so much, we as individuals or groups can do, but shouldn't we
do as much as we can? Instead, of just sitting back and watching others
be hurt, and drove to suicide or ostrasization? Because, that someone could
be us, someday.
How many times have you wished there would be someone there for you?
How many times have you wished that you had just one person that cared about
you?
How many times have you wished for ... ?
How many times ... ?
* * *
John had a good heart, that most everyone overlooked. He had a mind and a
heart, just like everyone else. He could think and had lots of ideas, hopes,
and dreams ... he had things he didn't like, and things he loved. Music he
listened to and music he hated. Food he ate and food he wouldn't even touch.
He was a living being ... that felt the world had turned its back on.
* * *
-Kamira
December 27th, 1997
kami@sekurity.org
www.sekurity.org/~kamira
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