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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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Remaining
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I was born and pretty much raised in Aurora. It's the armpit part of the
suburbs, but kids don't usually notice that kind of thing when it's all
they know. I used to play under the bridges supporting I-25 and chase the
pigeons out of their nests. I used to walk or ride my bike up to the Aurora
Mall, which quickly became an unsafe place to be. I used to pretend that
the vegetated areas around the heavily polluted Highline Canal were
somewhere unreachable by the rest of the world. We knew all of our
neighbors for 3 blocks in each direction and they all said hello to me
when I rode by on my dirt bike. I always imagined that it would be pretty
bitchin' to live somewhere else, to be somewhere I had never been, but I
really was pretty content with where I was. Wanting to be gone was enough.
Just days after my twelfth birthday, my family moved to a rural town about
30 miles away from Aurora. It was an eternity away from what I knew as my
life. Conveniently, this was at the tail end of my childhood memories. A
rather clean break from the first part of my life and I hated it. I had
no friends at all for the first two years after we moved because I had
suddenly become "weird." I failed a class for the first time in my life.
Our nearest neighbors were not visible from the house and we lived 3 miles
away from town (needless to say, entirely too far to just walk to).
Eventually things got better and I made it out of my rut - as most mildly
well-adjusted people eventually do - and everything around me became my
life again. I found the other freaks and made some of the best friends I
will ever have. I got into and out of drugs, got a license and a car and
a grudge against the world. Every once in a while I would go back to Aurora
and see all the places that I used to know so well and I would get these
amazing bouts of nostalgia. I would go out of my way to drive through my
old neighborhood and see my former house. But I still saw everything
through my childhood's eyes. I never saw the street corner; I saw the
corner we used to skate on. I couldn't see the pedestrian overpass; I
saw the big ugly green bridge we used to avoid having to walk over. I
had a perfectly preserved vacuum of everything the way it used to be,
and I saw it all so infrequently that it could remain preserved.
After high school I made my way to the University life that was on the
other side of the state. Another clean break. But this was much easier
and better. I was go glad to be out of my parents' house, get away from
everything that had gotten stale and recreate myself to a whole new
group of strangers. Strangely, I was in Aurora more during my first
three years of College than my whole Jr. high and High School career. I
met new people who lived in and near my old neighborhood, so I got to see
that area more frequently. I was suddenly driving down streets I only
remembered walking down before. Every time I drove down them they became
a little more common to me again.
At the end of my junior year at the university, I left the college and
moved back to Aurora. Now I do errands in the mini malls I used to hang
out at and I can't see my friends sitting on the curb anymore. Even in
the summer, everything seems slightly dimmer than it used to be and it's
getting harder to remember what it used to be like at all. When I was a
kid, I was able to turn anything I saw into anything I wanted it to be
in my head. Now I analyze everything until I am at the very core of what
they are. It's kind of depressing that I have essentially killed off the
aura of my childhood and reduced to a vapid lump of events. I suppose that
is to be expected when you remain in the city you grew up in. Of course,
I still love it here or I would have moved by now but I miss having what
I used to remember. You always lose something.
-Wednesday
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