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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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I Am Okay
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Hi. It's been awhile since I've written anything that hasn't
been assigned to me by a teacher to improve my grades. It's been awhile
since I've even felt motivated to write a piece about what has been
going on in my head. I've updated my online journal periodically, but
I haven't really written anything that I feel should be publicly
released. Until now.
Over the past couple of months, my life has changed a great
deal. I have moved away from my friends and entered Western Reserve
Academy, a prestigious boarding school in Hudson, Ohio. This school is
for the most part guaranteed to make my future bright and to bring in
mad cash flow as my adolescent years turn into adulthood.
But, it's not to say that there hasn't been some struggle with
this change. Indeed, there has been a great deal of it.
First off was saying bye to my friends. Though I knew I'd see
them again, nearly every weekend actually, I knew that I'd be missing
seeing their faces daily. Right now the impact of them not being around
has really settled in and I know that I miss seeing the familiarity
and complacency that I once held such contemptuous scorn for. I long for
the days when things were 'normal.' Things aren't quite so 'normal' anymore.
For better or for worse.
A few days before going up to school, I seized the day and
tried to start a relationship with a girl I'd been scoping out for
nearly 6 months. A few days after school started, the thing blew up
in my face. Needless to say, we are no longer together.
At first all of these changes totally ripped me apart. I was
away from and distanced from everyone and everything I loved. But I
figured out that there is a changeless core inside of me. A sense of
value and direction has overtaken my life and I am actively pursuing
setting roles and goals in my life, and coming through with commitments
to myself. The long term goal is mastery of self, and public victory.
A sense of honor is building inside of myself.
It would be easy to blame my environment for what was happening
to me and to let myself deteriorate into nothing. But I have chosen a
responsible stance and have come back with a vengeance. I will not let
my feelings control me, I will empower myself to act in the correct manner,
and I will become a better person because of it. Most people let others
act upon them without ever realizing that they hold the key to their
own happiness. I lived that way for too long.
So if right now you're kind of in a lull and you feel like you
are slipping towards depression, remember this. You are in charge of your
own destiny. You control your own life. Act or be acted upon. And finally,
remember, you are fundamentally okay. We are in charge of our own happiness.
-dropcomm
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