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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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Friendships
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You are lucky if you have one true friend in your life, besides yourself.
I have been lucky, in my opinion, I have had a few true friends, though, life
has separated us, one of many ways, and we are no longer together. However,
they will always have a piece of my heart, and their memory lives within me.
Sometimes, I wish and curse that they had to leave my life ... to never be
heard from again, or rarely ever heard from at all. Yet, it was only
recently did I really realize, why that has to happen.
If your close friends always remain the same, you would miss out on other
great people, and their ideas and their friendship ... at least that is how
I think of it. Because, if she would still be here, I KNOW for a fact that
things would have gone dramatically different, because, I would have never
gone back to an ex of mine, that was no good for me; nor would I have tried
teaching; nor would I have reached out to others, and really discovered that
I had a good friend, that I did not even realize was a friend, until one
night I needed to talk with someone. And, that someone I did not want it to
be someone that would flip out, hearing my thoughts, nor did I want someone
that would get all emotional on me, either. Just someone that would give it
to me straight, and would be objective, and either be supportive or negative
but, I figured if I would reach him, and he was there, then there was a
reason to how things had gone ... and it was since that cold, late, lonely
December night, that I have rarely thought of suicide again. It's kind of
funny, now that I think about it, how Trent Reznor lyrics could bring two
people together, two people that had always been on opposing sides. But,
when it came right down to it, we found out that we have more in common, or
at least if not more in common, something that most people do not have, and
that is an understanding of how to deal with the other. We do not talk
every day, but when I have needed him, he has been there, somehow popping
up out of nowhere. And, I would like to think I have been the same for him.
However, then there are those friends, that you thought you'd never say
good-bye to. Those friends that you thought you'd always have... would
always be there for you and you for them. The friends that you had spent
years with, ups and downs and inbetweens. Only to look at them one day,
and see how they are treating you, and decide you are not going to take it
anymore and it is time to say good-bye.
Friends like that, are the hardest to leave, and the ones you must. For,
that is one thing I have learned: If you are in a bad relationship
(romantic, friend, work, etc.) GET OUT. There will be no angel that will
come and save you, things are NOT going to get better, nor will they just
disappear - instead you disappear... to be lost forever, if you do not
leave. That is why you must get out - you, yourself. There is always a
way to do so, that is somehow opened to you, and when it is, I just hope
that you realize it and grasp onto it, and not let go. Because, otherwise
it might be too late... one day.
Friendship is something to hold high and above all else. For, if you truly
have a true, close, good friend, that is a rarity and should be cherished,
respected, and cared for. However, too little of the time, those are the
very ones you say 'thank you' to the least, show how much you appreciate
them, and those are the ones that you feel lost without. But, as time goes
by, you do gradually find a way to go on, because, just because someone else
disappears, does not mean that you have to. Sure, that part of your heart,
soul, mind, that they had, goes with them, but, you are the keeper of you.
So, it is up to you if you leave, it is up to you if you let someone else
steal your heart or dreams away from you and walk away and just stand there
and dissolve into nothingness... it is also up to you, if you want to keep
taking crap from a supposed 'friend'.
"A true friend walks in, when the others walk out." That was a quote on a
magnet that I had gotten from someone for a present once, and I think it is
totally true.
How many times have you needed someone there for you, and those that you
really thought were your friends, turn out to be the first to leave you?
Then taking more time, you realize that your real, true friends, are those
that perhaps you never even realize were... the friends that have stood up
for you, and never expected anything for it. Friends that were there to take
your back, if you were in danger, and those that would help you smile when
you were feeling down ... those are the friends to hold on to, those are the
friends to soar with ...
Even though a few of my best friends in the world, I have not talked with
in years, nor have seen in years, I still consider them friends ... because,
there was no good-bye, and I know if the day ever comes when we meet again,
it will seem like no time has passed, a new understanding will be there, a
new plateau - if they are true. If not, they you'll just find yourselves
going separate ways, not to remember the other.
Friendship...it's a funny thing, because friendship usually means to have a
relationship with another, however, it has to start with yourself. Because,
you are the only one that has to always remain with yourself, so if you do
not like yourself, then how can you expect others to?
- Kamria
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