> > =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= > = F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. = > =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= > > [ X ] > ----- > > "get out of the garbage can, this is > psychodrama, dammit! you are supposed > to use this for healing!" > > i sat limply inside of a garbage can, > forty hands pushing on my shoulders. > i felt trapped, and i suddenly > remembered other hands that held me > down. tears sprang unbidden to my > eyes. i did not want to rise. it was > too easy, too comfortable to be here, > held down, not in charge of my own > destiny. the disease, i could blame > it on the disease. > > day in day out. i took my meds like a > good little psych patient, joked > with the mental health workers, > dutifully signed out my sharps. i did > my homework in the allotted hour and > snuck cigarettes in the bathroom. i > only got caught once. my disease was a > weight on my shoulders that i ignored. > > i sat in group and smiled while digging > my fingernails into my hands. i wrote > incessantly about blood. people watched > me take a piss. there was no privacy. > there was no touching. no human contact, > no love. there was nothing but group and > meals and the pure outpouring of raw > emotion from 7 a.m. until 10 p.m. Blood > was drawn, weight was written down, > i went to therapy three times a week. > > pure monotony. > > but i learned some things. i learned that > modern psychiatry is bullshit, and that > mental hospitals are crap. nothing good > comes out of it.. they put you in your > own little world, a world that is NOT > a microcosm of the real world, but rather > a simulated, comfortable surreality that > doesn't do shit to help you. they scar > you. > > funny how it will grab me. i was walking > down the street, and i saw a couple > holding hands. i was filled with a sense > of wrong, and a thought flashed through > my mind. > > no pc allowed. > > i had to shake my head, remind myself that > in the real world, people are allowed to > touch each other. > > funny, treatment takes almost as long as > it takes for your insurance to run out. > greedy bastards... they fuck kids up for > money, and they don't even help them. > parents don't know this, but the kids who > have no privacy and are treated like animals > do. > > so i sit here and write, and i am doing > a thousand things that i would not be allowed > to do in a psych ward. i ask, why? why > couldn't i smoke? drink coffee? watch a > movie that has violence in it? swear? > these things happen in the real world, > and nothing they do in this places > helps you deal with it, much less the > things that threw you in there. how can > i deal with being beaten by my lover if > i am not allowed to see a violent movie > because it might hurt my tender money > producing sensibilities? > > demonika > > =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= > = Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, Submissions = > = Mail: jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) = > =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= > = To receive new issues through mail, mail jericho@dimensional.com with = > = "subscribe fuck". If you do not have FTP access and would like back = > = issues, send a list of any missing issues and they will be mailed. = > =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= > = AnonFTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK = > = FTP.SEKURITY.ORG/pub/zines/fucked.up.college.kids = > = FTP.GIGA.OR.AT/pub/hackers/zines/FUCK = > = FTP.ETEXT.ORG/pub/Zines/FUCK = > = WWW http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho = > = http://www.reps.net/~krypt/fuck.html = > =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= > = (c) Copyright. All files copyright by the original author. = > =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=