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=   F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K.   =
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			elevator dreams
                        ---------------

	another day. i went to get lunch. i stood and waited for
	one of my co-workers, and this guy did the typical get
	in my way, i get out of his way, he gets in my way dance
	near the soda machine. a woman who worked there came up
	to me and opened her mouth as wide as possible and cackled,
	revealing a mouth full of missing teeth and and ranch
	dressing on her breath. she said loudly, "Shall we dance,
	madam?" it seemed heinous that the word madam should ever
	escape from her lips, and i pretended not to hear her.

	i got in the elevator, chatting inanely about work troubles
	with my co-worker. i watched an unattractive women with
	a nice body pick lipstick off of her teeth while she
	examined herself in the mirrored elevator walls.

	i got to my desk and stared at a web site unseeingly while
	i chewed on my toneless sandwich. i studied the grey walls
	in my office and imagined cracking the heads of the developers
	i work with while my office mate giggled insanely as he
	tried to fix a problem, his newly bought lunch sitting
	untouched on his desk.

	i read and responded to e-mail methodically, sipping coffee,
	and tried to fix our slow web site. visions of art twisted
	in my mind, and i longed to be home in my bathrobe, photoshop
	in front of me, graphics tablet in my lap.

	xterm -e vmstat 1&
	ps -ef | grep httpd

	netstat -rn

	unix, #include, blah blah. i am so tired of unix, so tired of
	my job, so tired of Colorado. i would rather be in a remote
	house with 5 cats and a freelance web design business and
	someone who would come home and ruffle my hair, pour me
	a glass of wine, ask me how my day was. i am tired of the clubs
	and the booze and the useless conversation. last night i read
	metamagical themas and burned candles and listened to classical
	music. that is me, not this baseball cap wearing tomboy
	who fixes web sites and broken builds and silly e-mail problems.
	no one is going to die if they don't get their princess diana
	update. she is already dead, nothing we can do. fuck 'em if they
	can't take a joke.

	my brother called last night, freshly installed in college,
	his voice vibrant and happy. i spoke to him with a smile on
	my face and a light tone, but i felt grey, lifeless. i would
	give the world to trade places with him, and regret my decision
	to not finish school, give up my life and loved ones in NY to
	be out here, alone. he is learning and debating and making new
	friends. i envy him.

	life is too still, out here.

	demonika

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