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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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The World Has Turned
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And left me here, just where I was before you appeared.
The words of a not-so-heard of and not-so-popular Weezer song
ring through my head. It's late now, by societies standards. Late
night NBC programs are bieng broadcast over my television, giving
off nearly the only light in my darkened room.
Things are changing so fast. Physically, mentally,
emotionally, socially, and spiritually. There is a fine line
between what remains constant and what is always changing. I
am trying to iron out this line in my life, the process is not
at all easy.
Physically, I find that I am spending more and
more time poised in front of my laptop. I find myself on
this box at odd hours of the night, rambling off my thoughts
once again for the masses. Excercise is at a minimal. It seems
as if I fear the light of day. Friends I used to spend a great
deal of time with have been reprioritized to fit my nocturnal
computer-user schedule. Even at night they are shunned. They
rant because they cannot contact me, maybe I'm trying to tell
them something. Nonetheless, physically I am changing. I am
becoming the master of my own activities. Whether this is for
the good of all remains to be seen.
Mentally, I am making giant gains. I have increased
my stature in the hacking community tremendously. Also, I
am actively partaking in a course on Signalling System 7 and
am foraging ahead into the wonderful world of the telephone
network. I find myself reading at least a book a week, and
enjoying doing so. For once, I feel as if I am a mental giant
in my own world. No one will be able to force me to think of
myself as inferior, a world of knowledge exsists. And, I have
acquired the key to it. I will not let it slip away.
Emotionally, much is changing. The one that I
felt I should pity-date no longer has feelings for me.
I'm not sure if this makes me uneasy, or if these makes
me liberated. It's a tough decision to make. One that I
have sought after for quite awhile is right there for the
snatching, perhaps. It'll take a tremendous leap of courage
to approach her, but I believe the advance can be made. The
other her doesn't know about the one I desire, and possibly
still thinks I value hers as one of the highest relationships
in my life. Indeed, she is quite a valued friend, but does
not hold the power she once held over my heart. The spell of
the old wizard that so enthralled me has once again come to
be. I need to get a plan worked out, and I need to make a
decision before someone, including myself, gets hurt.
Socially, things are staying pretty much the same.
Though, my increasing ability to stay in front of my computer
for long periods of time has cut-down on the amount of hours
I spend attached to the phone partaking in conversations with
my friends. Somehow, I don't miss them. I see myself fading
back into the world of machines, and it scares me. The thing
I need to work on is changing my view of the world, and the
people that inhabit it. It will take a strong center, but I
feel I can accomplish any goal I set my mind to. Achieving
social perfection is just activity to be checked off.
Spiritually, things are back on track. I nearly
was re-attracted into the Occult, but I believe I choose
wisely and rejected its dogma. Though some choose not to
believe in my gods, I am once again affirming my faith
as a Catholic. But, just because I'm a religious person
doesn't mean that I don't take responsiblity for my life
and how it goes, my life is of my making. It's just nice
to know that the big guy upstairs is looking over my
shoulder and giving me a pat on the back when I feel alone.
So, here I am again. Dark ringlets forming
under my eyes. Coke cans discarded on the floor. Disks
littering my desks. About to flip a coin, as some other
writers do, to check to see if this will ever be released.
Heads it is, mailto jericho@dimensional.com...
-DropComm
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