F.U.C.K. File 328 - 101 Things for Kids To Do Instead of Watching TV

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=   F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K.   =
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          101 Things for Kids to do Instead of Watching Television
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                  (In response to 20/20's 9/27/96 story)


        1. Play with matches
        2. Get drunk
        3. Sniff airplane glue/whiteout
        4. Stab someone
        5. Kidnap television stars & torture them for being part of the
           dark television god's evil reign.
        6. Throw things at the neighborhood kids.
        7. Play "psychotic freak of nature". (gun or knife recommended)
        8. Read (Anarchist Cookbook, Satanic Bible, etc.)
        9. Pretend you can fly from roof of house. (Better if apartment).
       10. Get a job in a sweatshop.
       11. Play at park, get injured, sue the state.
       12. Punch your little sister in the head.
           (If you don't have one, rent someone else's little sister.)
       13. Clean the streets (pick up the used condoms, crack vials, etc.)
       14. Chant demonic songs.
       15. Make tin foil hats to protect your family from Zhantarr.
       16. Ride the subway, selling box-cutters.
       17. "Explore" the oven.
       18. Hop up and down until you die.
       19. Become a convicted criminal's "Bendover Buddy".
       20. Watch Oprah (Not on TV, of course. Find out where she lives.)
       21. Go to the mall naked.
       22. Go to Taco Bell and NEVER LEAVE!
       23. Collect your hair, nail clippings, and drool.
       24. Draw squares in the air and just yell.
       25. Walk around the house naked. (Not your house, of course.)
       26. Mail tiny glass shards to your friends.
       27. Take a crap in the street and scream "Here comes the poopie!"
       28. Go to McDonalds' and ask girls to touch your "McNuggets".
       29. See how long you can go without bathing.
       30. Instead of watching Beavis & Butthead, BE BEAVIS & BUTTHEAD!
       31. Make an original flag, and "claim" your neighborhood.
       32. Do #31, and punch whoever comes near your flag.
       33. Learn about torture. Practice on the family pet.
       34. Make a list of things for kids to do without watching TV.
       35. Play chess, lose, and jam a Bishop in your opponent's eye.
       36. Unsupervised swimming.
       37. Find bugs, keep a record of'em, and make'm into a salad.
       38. Feed bug salad to friends.
       39. Hitchhike.
       40. Play in traffic.
       41. Search your neighborhood for tall trees and jump out of them.
       42. Go to Kmart and ask where they keep the detonation devices.
       43. Rape and pillage.
       44. Go to Toys'R'Us and ask why Geoffry the giraffe looks queer.
       45. Sacrifice animals.
       46. Make a will. (Not yours.)
       47. Tell everyone that when you grow up, you want to be Satan.
       48. Projectile vomiting.
       49. Sudden, uncontrolled urination.
       50. "Fuck you, clown!".
       51. Figure out what #50 meant.
       52. Write "EVIL" on your forehead with red ink/food coloring/etc.
       53. Put a roll of aluminum foil in the microwave.
       54. Put a hamster in the microwave. (What's that screeching noise?)
       55. Gag on people.
       56. Do the "live wire" macarena.
       57. Call people "Worthless whores" and kick them.
       58. Ask your parents what happens when you eat glass, and then say
                                "Ooops!"
       59. Get a chainsaw, turn it on, and spin around with your eyes closed.
       60. Play "Pimp".
       61. Play "Beat the pimp".
       62. Try to buy peoples souls.
       63. See what foods will make you crap purple.
       64. Drink a whole bottle of Nyquil.
       65. Feed Alka-Seltzer to pigeons, and stand back.
       66. Make up an imaginary friend, and claim it molested you.
       67. Eat Kool-Aid MIX. (Go ahead, it's nasty.)
       68. Collect the entire set of "Serial Killer Trading Cards".
       69. Huh huh... 69...
       70. Find dead animals.
       71. Leave dead animals on teachers' doorsteps.
       72. Get a hooker! All the cool kids do it!
       73. Get VD! All the stupid cool kids do it!
       74. Go to hacker meetings.
       75. Work for Michael Jackson. Play with his toys, blow Bubbles!
       76. Sue Michael Jackson!
       77. Make a morgue out of cardboard boxes or Lego Blocks.
       78. Play Doctor! (Kevorkian, that is.)
       79. Decorate your crackpipe.
       80. Beat yourself with a hammer (for free "Light-bright" effect).
       81. Help corrupt the other youth.
       82. Play a rousing game of "Crucifixion".
       83. Go permanently, irrevocably insane.
       84. Suck up some computer radiation (Mmmmmm... Mutation...)
       85. Lick everything you see.
       86. Try to figure out what the voices are trying to say.
                (You DO hear them, don't you???)
       87. Watch "A Clockwork Orange".
       88. Call this # - 18003223884
       89. Make sculptures out of human waste.
       90. Have Molester teach you about "Jackhammer Rape". 
       91. Ride in the dryer.
       92. Watch "Sesame Street" intently for "the hidden evil commands".
       93. Set up a stand, but instead of selling lemonade, sell your sister.
       94. Make up a good excuse for your sister being missing.
       95. Smoke crayons.
       96. Get on a table, fall off, and yell "I'm Bob Dole."
       97. Eat fingerpaint.
       98. Bring home a Leper.
       99. Help me, I want to stop typing but I can't. My hands just won't stop. I think I may have to kill them, they talk about murdering me, while I'm asleep. Oh no, they know my thoughts. Help. Help. He
      100. Kill the useless bastard you're attached to.
      101. Ready the television for more watching.


        by /´NARCHY of the AoC - agentsofchaos@geocities.com


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