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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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I don't like chick-flicks
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How can you say that, as a guy, and not get "the look". How can you 'fess
up to the fact you don't like sappy, romantic, heart-felt films without
looking the standard issue, testosterone-fueled, remote-hogging,
car-fixing, sports-watching, Arine-cheering, guy? It's simple - I don't
like chick-flicks.
I didn't like "Sleepless in Seattle", I didn't like "Pretty Woman", I won't
see "Steel Magnolias", and I can't STAND "Ghost". I don't like 50% of the
"romantic comedies". I did like "When Harry Met Sally", but let's not push
it. If there is woman, a man, and romance at risk facing almost
insurmountable odds, I'd just as soon be on HOLD with Microsoft tech support
than sit through the *@&%!# credits of "Beaches".
Why? Well back off already, 'cause it's NOT for the reason you think. I
also don't need 8,300 rounds of ammo and the explosion of the Nagatomi
building to make a film; It's not because I'm "afraid to love" (hel-lo
1980's...); and it's not because I'm worried about having the 'guys' catch
me weeping at the end of "Tears of Endearment". So then, why?
Because they are not realistic. I'd believe that "Return of the Jedi" was
based on actual events before I'd find chick-flicks believable.
Let's take "Pretty Woman" as an example. First off, I found pairing of
Stallone and Estelle Getty more convincing in "Stop or MY Mom Will Shoot"
(and to save my credibility, no, I didn't see it...), than the billionaire
and the hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold combo. Secondly, if Bill Gates can
hook up, I am POSITIVE that lonely billionaires can meet women without
resorting to prostitutes.
It's not really the discrepancies that make these movies so bothersome
either. I'd just as soon try to explain the physical realities in a Road
Runner cartoon than take action/adventure head-to-head with romantic-drama.
I think it's the standard you are suddenly held to that makes them to
painful to bear.
Gentlemen, how many times have you seen a click-flick with a girlfriend,
and suddenly been faced with the question, "Why don't you do that for me?"
"Do what? Propose to a hooker?"
"NO, I mean romance me like that."
"I dunno...maybe because you weren't a hooker?"
"I'M NOT SAYING THAT. I MEAN would you do all that for me?"
"You mean pick up a hooker?"
You get the idea.
See one of these movies, and suddenly you're romantically inadequate. All
of the sudden you are expected to fill a room with roses, fly in by
helicopter to propose, or travel cross-country on a moped to say you're
sorry. I can't deal with the stress. At least when I see Bruce Willis
escape an explosion attached to a fire hose, I KNOW that there is NO WAY
I'll been held to that standard anytime soon.
The closest I want to get to a chick-flick is "The Crow". Why? Because
if my girlfriend asked me "Would you come back from the dead to avenge my
death?", I could say "Yes" and sit on my laurels after that. You know
why? 'CAUSE I'LL NEVER HAVE TO! In fact, I'd be MORE than glad to send
a gang of thugs to their graves for m'lady - but cut this "meet me on top
of the Empire State at such-and-such remote-date-in-the-future" shit in
order to prove my affections.
I've got nothing against this type of movie if I see it alone. When I'm
not watching with my girlfriend, at least I can't but it in the proper
prospective as far as being a work of fiction. But if this shit doesn't
let up, next time I see "Raiders of the Lost Ark", I'M gong to start asking
why SHE won't drink a bunch of guys in Nepal under the table, mow down a
group of Nazis with anti-aircraft gun, and find religious artifacts with
me anymore....
- capone
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