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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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Unhappy Birthday
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The following is something I got from a friend of mine:
> "The latest is the fact that I was reprimanded for refusing to take part in
> singing Happy Birthday to Teri yesterday. I bought her a present and a
> card, and wished her a good day. (Which, I might add, is more than she
> did for ME.) Anyway, I'm a horrible person, apparently. I've explained
> my aversion to this task to everyone MANY times. Since I was at least
> EIGHT I've hated it. I've decided that, nearly 25 years later, it's time
> for me to stop doing what I don't wanna do. I think, perhaps, I was
> bludgeoned to death by someone who happened to be singing Happy Birthday
> WHILE they were bludgeoning."
So, after reading this, I starting thinking about the singing of "Happy
Birthday". I read an article by Dave Barry last summer talking about group
singing. He pointed out that you can't get two people, let alone a whole
office or party, to sing "Happy Birthday" ('HB') on key. Yet, to his
amazement after watching endless seasons of B-ball, everyone can chat "Air
Ball" in perfect pitch and harmony. He said to watch a game sometime and
listen when the chant starts. After about the second chat, everyone is
singing at the correct pitch with impeccable timing. Hmmmm....
Point being, like many things, if you cannot use it right do not use it at
all. This goes for singing 'HB'. Hearing those off-key voices is about as
charming a thought as hearing the whooping and yelling of the Bloods or
Crips as they chase my lilly-white butt through S. Central. I think that
singing 'HB' is more traumatic than birth itself. Leaving the warm, fluid
comfort of the womb for a cold, bright, loud world is piddle next to mock
excited-faced co-workers trying to bellow out "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU....."
grrrrrr......
I mean, is this a Viking chant or Klingon war cry as a warrior grows one
year closer to death. Does this crap-song announce the beginning of my
journey to Valhalla? Like some Gregorian chant, at best, I think this song
is sung to ward off the reaper who shall not approach the wailing of the
office banshees.
The simple fact is this: Most people cannot sing. When they do, they are
hit with rounds of comments about keeping their day job. If you asked
someone to sing you Layla at work, they wouldn^t. Then WHY, I ask you, do
they get together and sing on your birthday. If their voices are so awful
that they wouldn^t even sing a song they like in the car alone at night,
why yell one in your face while you^re trying hard to deal with the cruel
fact of mortality.
Marilyn Monroe; sing your brains out. Beatles; I'll take that ditty any
day. Trapped in the lunchroom at work? I'd just as soon hear my initials
carved in my teeth with broken glass.
And a One, and a Two..
-Capone
capone@dimensional.com
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(11/25/96)