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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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Regret
~~~~~~
So there you are, pouring your heart out. Telling her you care about her more
than anything, that you've loved her for the past two years, and that you
don't want to destroy a friendship of four years because of this revelation.
And she says she wants to stay friends, because that's what you are to her,
a good friend. And you call her up to hear her voice, feel her presence,
knowing that she can comfort you, but you hear the way her voice dips from
its initial bouncy "hello?" to the "oh, hi" when she hears you on the other
end. She tries to make conversation, but you feel so miserable that you can't
form a coherent thought, and you forget what you had to say, and you realize
that there's nothing more to say anyway, and you hang up.
You remember the times when you would call her up and she would keep you
talking for two hours.
You remember the first time you revealed your feelings to someone. It took
you three years to get over her that time. But you aren't, really, the
feelings have just been tamped down, crushed into the background with the
rest of your old baggage, and you wonder how long it will be this time before
you can get your emotions locked away again, safe from prying eyes.
You tell yourself that it will never happen again, that nothing in the world
is worth this much hell, but you're wrong. It will happen again. And again.
And again. And you know that you have managed to destroy a friendship built
on trust and mutual respect, because she had no idea of your feelings. You
hid them too well, and she doesn't trust you any more, because when you hid
them, you were lying to her. She doesn't trust you any more. She thinks you
tried to move in on her because she just broke up with her fiancee.
And she doesn't trust you any more.
You regret the way things always seem to turn out, and you wonder:
Where did all the years go?
-Legion
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