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= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
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What Happened To You
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Ever have a person you met turn into a pretty good friend. Someone
whom you could hang out with and talk a lot of shit? Then, after
thinking you knew this person so well something about them changed.
Something you could not understand or relate to. Almost as if your
old friend had died and a new one had taken their place. Maybe you
thought this change could be good but unfortunately their new persona
didn't include you so it was as if your friend actually did die. I
had a friend like that. This is the story of how he changed...for
better or for worse.
Senior year of High School a couple of friends and I were getting
ready to shove off to college. One of my closest friends, Mark,
began acting a little differently that year. Perhaps it was the
excitement he anticipated with college in the coming year.
Mark and I got along pretty well--we both seemed to fit into that
"nerd/geek" category at our school. A couple of people passing
through with few friends and not belonging to any special "cool" club
or group unless you would call the Astronomy or Computer club cool.
Thinking back Mark probably had more so called "friends" then I did
though we did know quite a few people. We all "know" people but
talking and hanging out with them was something totally different.
One class we had in common was Computers. In this class there were
about 30 people--22 taking Pascal and 8 of us taking FORTRAN/ML. We
programmed on an Apple IIe which Mark had at home and could do
any/all of his assignments on. This gave Mark quite an advantage
over me and I expected it to show in his grades. I don't recall much
of the class or the people but I do recall seeing the grades posted
that 3rd quarter and discovering Mark had gotten a D or F. I had
concluded it was Mark because I noticed he was slacking during that
period--plus I knew the other 6 people taking the class. This is the
first time I noticed a change in Mark. He seemed to be slipping not
only in computers but in all his classes--maybe because he had been
accepted at the university. Mark was excited about attending college
but he and I knew Engineering/Physics was no easy road so why was
there a lack of effort his final semesters of High School.
Though Mark and I were good friends we decided not to room together
at college for various reasons. Among them being that we did not
want to hate each other after living together--a horror story we
heard about. Furthermore by rooming with others we would meet new
friends and perhaps not be so withdrawn. We graduated that May
(1988) and were off to college after a Summer of work at the same
store.
That Fall we found ourselves at college 300 miles from our homes. We
met new friends and lived not 100 yards from each other but ended up
hanging out/talking much less than we did in high school. Mark only
visited me a few times, and hardly ever called. It seemed I was
always the caller or visitor at his place. Either it was me going to
Mark or it was no seeing Mark. We ended up becoming further and
further apart. This saddened me because Mark and I were good friends
in high school and I anticipated an even better friendship to develop
during our college years. But Mark had different plans.
One Saturday night while hanging out in the dorm room I glanced out
my window to see if I could spot what was happening over at Mark's
place. I noticed Mark sitting in a chair laughing and moving his
head quite a bit like he was in a drunken mode. I check that window
about four times that night just to see if Mark was continuing to
have a hell of a good time. And that was it! I had then figured it
out. Mark had come to college to "have a great time." Fuck studying
and college for the sake of learning Mark was out to party. I
learned of Marks intentions after repeatedly visiting him and having
his roommates tell me they had not seen him for days and the last
time they saw him he was drunk. That story by him of living off the
vending machines for three days seems remotly possible now.
Later that first semester Mark and I passed each other as I was
heading back to my dorm. Mark asks how my "sex life was." So I
asked him "what sex life" then returned the same question. Mark
replied "great" and proceeded to walk off with a smile. It was then
and a few tell tale signs later that I fully understood Marks
intentions for these few months of his life--party, drink,
fuck...enjoy life.
The next semester came and I discovered Mark was no longer living on
campus but with a friend in a 1 bedroom apartment off campus. By
this time we had hardly seen each other anymore and I learned of his
moving via his old roommates and not by him. About Spring time of
that second semester I learned that Mark had not registered for
classes, VAX'ed most the day and was later picked up and moved back
home by his dad. A year (not sure if it was a year or actually
months) later Mark joined the Air Force. Perhaps this might be
typical of college freshmen but for Mark or what I knew to be Mark
this was a quantum leap.
I've always been curious about what happened to Mark during that year
but never got any real answers from him. Mark claimed to have gotten
good grades that semester yet his roommates claimed he would have had
to have been a "fucking genius" to get the grades he said he did.
Why else would Mark have re-taken Calculus at a community college.
Mark and I still talk on the phone every so often (year or so) but
Mark is a different then the kid I once knew in High School. It is
hard to believe Mark is a married man now--especially if you knew him
in high school.
It took a lot of strength to change the way Mark did--to transgress
from a semi introverted person to a "party animal." Strength I have
yet to find within myself. When I look back at Mark and his exploits
I often wonder why I was not included--maybe because I often resist
change. It's hard to see a friend go out like that and forget about
you. Even harder to swallow is that perhaps you were not the friend
you made your self out to be.
-Pallbearer
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