=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
= F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. =
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
So You Wanna Be Cool
--------------------
Wanna be cool? Here it is, step by step.
1. Get a beeper. All cool people have beepers. This shows
that you are important enough, and need to be reached
so often. Of course, you can save a little money if you
want, and not take the service. Just make sure that it
can beep when you press the button. Now, go in the corner
and act like you are talking to someone you think is
cool. Practice moving your arms in a way so that you
can hit the button and make it beep, without anyone
seeing it. Also practice your sayings should your beeper
go off. Here are a few cool ones you can try:
- "Man, wonder what my bitch wants now."
- "I'll talk wit ya in a sec, gotta call my nigga."
- "Another deal?"
- "Shit, Tyrone can wait."
2. Now get a mobile phone. All cool people have mobile phones.
Of course, since you will barely use it, don't get the service
with it. Just make sure the lights can light up. While
walking around, especially in malls, hold it up and pretend
you are actually talking to someone, so you look important.
If someone should ask to use your phone in an emergency, just
reply "Sorry, my batteries are dead."
3. Jewelry. All cool people have pretty jewelry. Go to Spencer's
and look for a nice big gold chain. If it has a '$' symbol on
it, that is all the better. If it is just a plain chain, then
go ahead and get it. Wear it at all times now, and if someone
should ask, it is 14 karat gold.
4. Clothes. All cool people wear name brand, expensive clothes.
I would recommend any name brand that costs more than 35
dollars an item, like Guess or Boss. When you wear get your
pants, make sure you buy 2-8 sizes too large, so that they sit
on your hips, and sag in back. When it comes to shoes,
you need to look around and try to figure out who is the
basketball player of the month. Usually some rookie that comes
in the NBA and does really good, then you never hear about
them anymore. Anyway, buy whatever shoe they sponsor. Jacket.
This is the tough part. You have several choices when it comes
to your jacket. You can play it safe, and buy a popular team
jacket. Something like the Bulls, Raiders, etc. Just as long
as the team is really popular. If that isn't your liking, then
you may wish to get a jacket with a lesser known team, and
try to be original. Be careful! Someone might ask you a question
about the team, so you have to know the starting line up, etc.
If you actually have money, you may wish to buy a leather
jacket. This is always popular, and shows everyone else that
you have money. To the intelligent people this shows you found
it on sale, and used lay away.
5. Cash. All cool people have a big ole wad of cash. When you pull
it out to pay for something, you have to be able to thumb
through two large bills, a few smaller, and finally some ones.
Save up though! I recommend this line up: 100, 50, 20, 20, 10,
10, 5, and as many ones as you can scrape together. Using this
order, and amount, it shows you are really cool! Of course,
a little less than that won't hurt, but make sure you have the
ones to make it look good. I know it doesn't look good, but
everyone with a wad of cash does it, so you need to learn
how to do it to. When you enter a store, clothing especially,
you have to be an asshole to the salesman. If you actually
plan on buying something from the store, take it to the register,
put it on the counter, with one hand pull out your impressive
wad of cash, and wait for the total. After the salesman tells
you how much it will be, act disgusted, and say something like
"Fuck dat! You gotta knock some bones off that for a brother!"
or some other phrase that shows you are special and deserve
a discount that employees don't even get.
6. Weapon. All cool people have a weapon. You have three basic
choices now. First, you can tell everyone that you know
some martial art. This can be very effective if you can
do a small imitation of the Karate Kid or something.
Second, you may wanna carry a knife. Watch out though, if
you decide on a butterfly knife, it will take some practice
working with it, so that when you take it out, you look
like you know what you are doing. Third, you can carry a gun.
Remember, it takes no prior experience to pull a trigger.
Just get a 22, a 9mm, or some other gun that can be concealed.
Carrying a concealed gun into public places is probably
the coolest thing you can do.
Now that wasn't so hard was it? Now take everything you have
bought, and wear it all at once, and strut down the mall or some other
place. When others dressed exactly like you pass, you can nod, and say
"that person is cool!" and have the warm feeling that they said the
same thing too!
Be careful though, a lot of people are gonna call you names
even when you aren't looking. Words like 'Nigga', 'Wigger', 'Wannabe',
and 'Gangbanger' might be heard, but don't worry! That is just other
people's way of calling you cool!
Hope all this helps YOU become cool. If you have any questions,
or need advice on how to be cool, just look for someone described above,
and go up to them and say "How can I be cool like you?" and they
should be able to help out.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
= Questions, comments, bitches, ideas, etc : z1max@ttuvm1.ttu.edu :FUCK =
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
= Official F.U.C.K. Distribution sites and information =
= Board Number Other =
= ----- ------ ----- =
= Ionic Destruction 215.722.0570 Eastern HQ =
= Flatline 303.466.5368 Western HQ =
= Purple Hell 806.791.0747 Southern HQ =
= Culture Shock 717.652.5851 Dist. =
= PCI 806.794.1438 Dist. =
= Ole Buzzard's 303.447.8906 Dist. =
= Celestial Woodlands 806.798.6262 Dist. =
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
= Accounts NOT guaranteed on any F.U.C.K. distribution site. If you are =
= interested in writing for, or in becoming a distribution site for =
= F.U.C.K. call the Woodlands, and apply for an account, or mail Max =
= at z1max@ttuvm1.ttu.edu or on the Woodlands. Knowledge is power... =
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=