Welcome to a special edition of content bits! This time we embrace the Christmas spirit by reviewing this year's only new holiday movie worth talking about... Fatman (2020)! Don't like Martums and think he knows shit about movies? Figure Jericho is just writing bullshit to get hits on an outdated website? We got you covered! Instead of one person reviewing it, we have seven people you probably don't know or don't like. We went way past the usual Attrition line-up too, for some external perspective. Figure out which review sells you on this movie, or which one turns you off it completely. Dealer's choice. Merry fuckin' Christmas in the meantime and a trailer for the movie is at the end.

   

Reviewer: Punkis

Medium: Movie (Multiple)

Rating: 4.5/5 Hired assassin picks the wrong day to try and off Santa

Let's face it, 2020 sucked. Hard. With everything shut down it has been difficult to find a reprieve from all the bullshit. That is, until I spent 100 glorious minutes watching Fatman. What is Fatman you ask? Simply put, a spoiled rich kid gets coal for Christmas and decides to hire a hitman (Walter Goggins) to kill Santa Claus (Mel Gibson). Yes, I said the words Mel Gibson which may be an instant turn-off to many, but he actually pulled off the role of a dispirited and angry Santa Claus. And what's not to be angry about when kids are taking pot shots at his sleigh with a deer rifle? And Boyd Crowder, err Walter Goggins as a hitman? It just does not get any better than that.

I am so certain that you will like this movie that Jericho will refund the rental cost if for some reason you don't.


Reviewer: Lawson

Rating: 4/5

Fatman is a dark funny take on Kris Kringle. His business is struggling with all the naughty children lately and to survive starts side work for the US government. Once things start to look up a scrooge assassin causes mayhem at the workshop. Santa has the last laugh.


Reviewer: Lyger

Rating: 4.5/5

Fatman... watch the trailer first. If you don't get it, you may like, dislike, or not get the movie. Just imagine a revered figure who is old, jaded, and is thinking about retirement. Add the facts that some people don't like his decisions and then put a bounty on his head. He slaps back shots of alcohol, knows everything about everybody, and is also apparently fairly well versed in tactical offense, defense, and weaponry.

Mel Gibson plays a stellar and classic role of this iconic figure, and it's difficult not to become sympathetic with him and his loved ones. It's also a good holiday movie for adults, but I wouldn't recommend it for smaller children who have not yet had their beliefs crushed. Marianne Jean-Baptiste and Walton Goggins also help make this a fun movie for those of us who want to keep believing, even with a good dose of realism and a new twist on insight.


Reviewer: Deerbed

Rating: 4/5

I went into this movie thinking oh just another feel good Santa movie. I was pleasantly surprised this was not the case. Don't expect to see a Hallmark Christmas movie with Fatman. This movie is a quirky mix of Elf meets Die Hard meets The Santa Clause. Well worth the watch.


Reviewer: martums

Rating: 5/5 Move over, Die Hard

Because he's the Santa 2020 deserves, but not the one it needs right now.

Sweet Baby Jesus, could it be the Perfect Christmas Movie for this dumpster-fire of a year? If Mel Gibson can overcome his drunken, anti-semitic-whatevers...maybe, just maybe, Bruce Willis and Nakatomi Tower have to take a back seat. Before accusations of blasphemy fly, look under the hood. There's classic movie-going suspension-of-belief (essential), the Magic of Christmas™, not only is our beloved USPS in cahoots w/ Mr. & Mrs. Claus, but so is the Dept. of Defense, (hey--even Captain America sold war bonds). Walter Goggins is the adult bad-guy burnout, and Chance Hurstfield is the adorable-yet-repulsive/sociopathic boss, (whose performance may be campy by design). Toss in some elves, an underground workshop, below-the-belt-nipping reindeer, killer one-liners, a Die Hard amount of violence, a scene-stealing performance by Marianne Jean-Baptiste, and wait for it...resurrection--Mr. Moonlighting finds his holiday classic demoted. Note this is currently rated 5.9 over at IMDB. What a bunch of Reindeer shyte! This is the action-movie-holiday-blowout we've been waiting all year for!


Reviewer: Nika

Rating: 3/5

In Fatman, directed by Eshom and Ian Nelms, the military industrial complex meets the Christmas industrial complex for a dark comedy that is a potent brew of deconstructed yuletide joy, like a heavily spiked eggnog.

Fatman unfolds in a split narrative style - echoing the "naughty/nice" dichotomy that defines Christmastime morality: A tyrannical preteen twerp, Bobby Wenan (Chance Hurstfield) gets coal for Christmas, and hires mercenary assassin, Skinny Man, to kill ol' Santy Claus. Walton Goggins as Skinny Man is a standout. Fitted with an arsenal of snug black turtleneck sweaters, an icy demeanor and a soft spot for his pet hamster, Skinny Man plays the straight man to a bone-chilling T.

Meanwhile, in the North Pole (Alaska?), Chris Kringle (Mel Gibson) and his wife Ruth (Marianne Jean-Baptiste) run Santa's Workshop, an operation subsidized by the U.S. government and financially floundering due to a contractual clause Christine Crawford (Ellison Grier Butler), sums up this relationship with the line, "We want your holiday spirit. It generates holiday spending!" Thus, with funds dwindling, Kringle agrees to a 2-month contract with the US military, wherein his workforce will produce control panels for FJ-63 fighter jets, as opposed to train sets and ice skates, and the real villain of the film is more strongly posited as the mechanisms of monopoly capitalism that have disenfranchised the proletariat Santa Claus.

At turns, serious in sentimentality and in deadpan delivery, Fatman, is carrying the baggage of a cultural icon, and occasionally falters under the weight of the mythos. The film is most successful when it is subverting audience expectation rather than pandering to it, and it does this most effectively in the standout performances of Goggins and Jean-Baptiste. "Fatman" isn't seasonal fun for the whole family, unless your family also shares Kringle?s particularly potent penchant for ultra-violence, but it is an entertaining dark comedy, especially for viewers in search of an antithesis to the easy platitudes of Hallmark Holiday specials. Here, the tagline isn't "joy to the world," so much as Groggins' line "Santa Claus, motherfucker."


Reviewer: jericho

Rating: 4/5 who let him make movies again?

This movie is a light-hearted take on Christmas and the failures of Santa, at least through the eyes of Walter Goggins' character. This is kind of a comeback movie for Mel Gibson after his numerous personal failures, some that make it ironic with him playing a very Christian character while personally being a drunk and hating Jews / black people. Gibson's last bit makes it all the more surprising that the amazing Marianne Jean-Baptiste would sign on to play his wife giving a modern interracial Claus family. Really surprising that despite his history that his career freeze has "thawed" as they say in the industry and that he is being given a second chance. While he can be a great actor, essentially bringing the same character "Porter" from Payback (1999) to play Santa, I have to wonder is Hollywood so hurting for actors that they would accept him back after his sordid history?

Oh sorry, enough of that shitbag that can act well. Fun movie, two great actors as main characters, fun and simple story, it really brings the true spirit of Christmas in my eyes. Think [generic assassin movie] + Toys + [cynical Christmas movie] and you know what are you in for. Worth a watch, but don't pay for it which shows support for Gibson. Find another way to watch it for free and then find a way to support Baptiste and Goggins directly instead. Did I mention fuck Gibson?





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