F U C K E D U P C O L L E G E K I D S ------------------------------------------------------- - t h e p o e t r y v e n t u r e - ------------------------------------------------------- "Definitions. When language lacks the ability to convey what is in our souls and minds, our desires and feelings, our aches and ecstasies, it always comes down to definitions." - Shar Rednour ------------------------------------------------------- Girl, I saw you.. your grey eyes shinning escaping through awesome physicalities you have fallen from the swollen sky into my soft hands of confession Girl, into my heart.. you regret the thought of pain and, again the dream-- suggested through thoughtless words-- you broke at night, what pleasure hasn't? your beauty has taken you to golden fields to flow with the rivers of love, to escape through the mindless thoughts of heartbreak, and to wonder about the sex factories in mind. John Lazuka So You Want a Dollar? So you ask me for a dollar, so you can get something to eat. But we both know damn well, when I give you this dollar, you'll run across the street. Hit the first liquor store in sight; probably get a bottle of schnapps. Hey I know an alcoholic, yeah that's right he's my pops. So I ask you to give me a straight answer. You say, "ok man I can see you aren't dumb, but I would really appreciate that dollar to get a 1.75 of rum." I say, "see man I fucking knew it, why did you want to play me like a fool?" I'm not a dumb motherfucker; I once went to "school." Oh btw, come to think of it, what did that really mean to me? Wow, I have my name on a piece of paper, they happen to call a degree. So let me tell you a little story, about my alcoholic dad. I don't know how you'll take this here story, but to me it's awfully sad. So my dad is an alcoholic, yeah that's right, a fucking drunk. He would come home late every night, liquored up like a skunk. One night he comes home pissed off, and decides to take it out on me. I was only ten years old then, with no one to defend me you see. He comes into my room, violently throwing open the door. My mother comes to my rescue; he slaps her and calls her a whore. He proceeds to come nearer to me, but not before he trips over my toy trunk. Oh wow did that piss him off, enough to grab me and throw me from my top bunk. He threw me into the wall so hard, that everything suddenly went black. I woke up sometime later, with him taking his leather belt to my back. My mother kept trying to help me, but he gave her one really hard shot to the face. I heard my mother cry in pain as blood flew all over the place. I felt my mothers pain even more then I felt mine, As she lay there crying, I prayed it would be over in due time. But that didn't happen; he began to beat me some more. My mother ran to grab the phone, but he threw her into my door. Now my mother lay unconscious or at least that's what I thought. Yet, she lay there appearing lifeless, and it looked like her breathing stopped. My father continued to beat me, now hitting me all over the place. When it was finally over, he had broken my nose; my jaw and I have a nice scar on my face. Yeah do you see it, right here over my left eye, IT TOOK 60 FUCKIN STITCHES to patch this fucker dry. I've had 2 reconstructive surgeries to try to repair this scar, MY FACE IS FUCKED. And this all had to happen, because my father came home drunk. Not to mention all the scars that I acquired from the lashings of his belt. But damn can you even imagine how all this shit felt. Or how it feels to this day, I'll never be the same. And someone that I dearly loved, well he takes the blame. Yet, I haven't told you the worst, and this brings tears to my eyes. On that same fateful night my mother..sh..she.. she died. Yeah that's right he killed her, BECAUSE HE'S A FUCKING DRUNK. And now he can sit in his peaceful cell upon his top/lower bunk. Maybe wonder what his life would be today, if he hadn't done this shit. Fuck him, he can die, he has 30 years to think about it. So you want a dollar? You want a dollar from me. How about you get your life together, get back to your family. Tell them your sorry for what you've done, and that drinking you've quit. And ask for their forgiveness for putting up with years of your shit. When all is well done, you'll remember this day and what I've said. And be glad you didn't take this dollar, because your wife/kids mom, sh..she's not dead. You are now a terrific father, and are the man you used to be. Not like the man my father was, not like that man that ruined me. Damasa Clear my thoughts, singe my mind. Tripping through the pain I find. Death is but a true escape, and the only living fate. The knife is sharp, my mind is clear. The emptiness, no longer here. My blood falls on the hard cold floor. my sould will wander out the door. Buy my soul, my body is cold... levi Simmering Underneath Coursing through my veins, bubbling up from the trail, and crawling to get out. Skin containing it, keeping it to remain within me. Pushing to get out. Underneath, somewhere, deep and dark within, there it lies, until stirred. Feeling it stir and swirl, beginning to simmer before it bubbles up and wants out. Something piercing or trying to get out and be seen. A glimpse of what it could be ... Not knowing what it's name is, nor what it really holds, it stirs, shimmers and bubbles. Someday it will get out. Creep out, seep into a fire, and go ablaze into a void. Whatever it is, whatever it's name, whatever it holds within itself, I hope it finds it's way out. A way out, so I no longer have it within these cells. Cells wishing for it to be free. Free from this chamber, and that, able to go and burn off into the air and never come back. - Kamira August 17th, 2000 enjoy longing, wishing, wrenching, cutting my guts out. to find the culmination of happiness a world of time spent pursuing dreams, beauty, love, art or anything else the eternal happy ending with tearful music playing slow motion kiss as the world explodes around you 8.17.99 mea_culpa Thief I touch his face, a smile do shine oh why, oh why, can't he be mine eyes so dark and full of depth around his heart, i slowley crept catching me, yelled his resovle with darkness set upon my soul where once a heart, now stands a hole. blaise ------------------------------------------------------------ E D I T O R S: jericho@attrition.org, geekgrl@attrition.org ------------------------------------------------------------ to receive new issues via e-mail, send mail to majordomo@attrition.org with "subscribe poetry". if you do not have FTP access and would like back issues, send a list of missing issues and they will be sent. ------------------------------------------------------------ A V A I L A B I L I T Y: WWW: http://www.attrition.org/~poetry ------------------------------------------------------------ (c) Copyright. All poems copyright by original author. ------------------------------------------------------------