Third Attrition Contest RESULTS
Pickup Lines of the Damned
NEW DATE Sat Apr 14 11:57:34 MDT 2001
Jericho & Munge
We previously challenged our viewers to come up with pickup lines that would
offend and shock. For some reason, many of you decided to send in the same old
shit we've heard for years. The same crap that litters joke books, top 10 lists
and lame web pages. We wanted more.. stuff that stood above the rest.
Here are the results, from our readers. For various reasons, we are leaving out
the name/email address of those submitting. For the most part, we just didn't find
the Pickup Lines of the Damned.
I want to blow my love snot in your meat Kleenex.
Which do you prefer, recreational sex or self abuse?
Do you swallow?
I bet you can't get all of this in your mouth.
Don't point those things at me unless you intend to use them.
I would crawl naked across the Atlantic on a single strand of barbed wire just to suck the dick of the
last guy that fucked you.
I'm Greek, but I fuck normal also.
Wanna go back to my place. I'll let you play with my script kiddie.
Either way I'll be sleeping with you tonight, so you might as well be there.
wanna go halves on a bastard?
I hope your name is Thought .. i'd like to be deep in you later.
can i smell your pussy? [response] my mistake , it must be your feet
Baby, did you know you was sensuous? And sen-su-ous up, would you get me a beer?
Heyyy baby.. If you play dead, I'll play necrophile.
"I have kidney stones, and I was wondering whether you could suck them out for me."
Hey baby, you ever been with a guy who wets the bed......(put your arm around her shoulders here)..........on purpose?
So uh, do you swallow? Or should I just spray my whole load in your hair?
Hey baby, how about we just go back to my place and play "beat the priss with a bat"?
Excuse me, do you know what time it is? Great, thank you. Now turn around and kneel so I can piss on the back of your head.
"My car makes up for the fact that I have a small penis."
"You know what? I have a good mind to take you outside, bend you over, and give your ass a good filling in"
"Hey baby, I got a Ramses in my pocket that wants to put you back into slavery." (For jewish women)
"your eyes match the color of my Porsche"
"Bitch! Get your skank ass over here and suck my fucking dick!"
"If I offered you a trip to Australia, all expences paid...whould you take it?"
(if she says yes..)
"So your saying you'd like to go to the land down under on me?"
"Gee! You don't sweat much for a big-ole fat girl!"
Hey bitch, you'll do.
I don't have the muscles from Schwarzenegger, nor the look of tom cruise But i can lick like lassy!
Okay. This happened in a bar in South Carolina. Some idiot in shitkickers and a big belt buckle was dead serious about
impressing me whilst trying to get into my pants. (From what I could ascertain, he was in his late 30's.) His line?: "Hey
darlin', I got me a nine inch cock and it's ready to crow in your henhouse alllll night long!"
I told him: "I have a 6 inch vagina. Have your third grade math teacher do the work on the chalkboard for you tomorrow and
then explain why your rooster will be remaining mute tonight."
Satan is not some huge, winged, vile demon of the Netherpit created by the catholic church to frighten children. He's a big,
dumb fuckin' redneck with more dick than brains. Or grace.
The most obnoxious line I've heard of, is somebody who approached a girl;
pointed to his crotch and said "Well it's not going to suck itself!"
In a college bar, a drunk guy staggered into the
ladies room. The bouncer went in and dragged him out,
the conversation as he was brought out:
Bouncer: "Why were you in there?"
Drunk: "Said 'women' on the door! That's what I want, that's where I went."
I was at this fairly bad party with some friends, where I was talking with a a guy I was acquainted with. He wanted to
introduce me to a girl he knew, after the introduction (This is so and so, nice to meet you, etc), she looked me up and down,
said "I have to leave now" very matter of factly, and walked to a different area of the party. Ouch. I left shortly
this happened in german so i hope it translates well:
me coming from the bathroom at a disco after about a gallon of rum-mix. she
"do you happen to have a lighter?". me - she did look good but i just had to
say it - "stick a finger into your eye. that also burns."
but the look in her face was worth it.