The challenge was to come up with a great conversation killer. One that would stop everyone
in their tracks. Some people sent in jokes (that would probably work), but we weren't looking
for jokes. Perhaps we'll save that for a future contest. Here is what you sick little monkeys
came up with.
In no particular order..
- "Hey... why does it burn when I pee?"
- "I sell Amway."
- "Let me enlighten you on Scientology"
- (scratch yourself) "damn herpes flaring up again!"
- MY ASS is bleeding, God dam hemorrhoids, is there a proctologist here, Help me??
- "Chicks with dicks."
- Mel, who was hosting the party had put her feet on the dinner table - we
join the conversation with my friend Caitlin
C "Hey, get your fucking feet off the table."
M "Well look - you're in my house!"
C "Yeah - well you're in my life!"
- This is a story that happened to my friend.
One night after work, he and a few of his co-workers were at a bar
having some beers. Some gold-digging chicks started hitting on all of
them. My friend did not want to be bothered.
Finally one of the chicks made the mistake of speaking to him. She said
something to the effect of "What do you have to say for yourself?"
He replied, "I'll fuck you so hard I'll cum blood." Not another word
- This party is less exciting than naked pictures of Janet Reno.
- one word - flatulence
- First off, u need a group of your friends with you at this yuppee
party...then u start to play the penis game. The first person starts off by
saying "penis" as low as possible. Then the next person says "penis" louder
than the first and so on. It eventually goes around to all of your friends
for soo long that one perosn has to inevitably yell out at the top of his\her
lungs "PEEEEEEEENIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSS". It's a great way to stop a party.
- "So, what's the deal with all those fucking ________?" (Choose minority group
making the largest presense. For even more effect, use the degrading slang
term for your particular group.)
- Hope i'm not too late for the contest but asking a girl if she would like a
"pearl necklace" is a good 1 it only loses it's appeal when you have to
explain it to the dumb ass
- "You can't just fist a girl, then cuddle up without washing off first, cause
you'll get poo on her titties."
- "Dude, I would be so-o-o into incest if I had your sister. She's a dead
fuck, but she gives the world's best head. You're missing out"
- For the skinniest girl in the room: (all the better if she's anorexic,
bulemic, just plain self consious, or already taken)
"Yeah I do know you. You used to be H-U-G-E, with really nasty acne all
over your entire body. You look better now. How'd you do it?"
"Can I get you a lite beer?"
"Let's burning off some of that fat ass? You want a more private room, or
should we give everyone a show"
- Good for any party with a lot of ex-frat boys:
"Hey man, sloppy seconds on her!!!"
"Let's swap" (best with the ugliest woman in the room on your arm)
- "So you just opened up a beer and drank it, cause it was in the fridge?
When you're at K-Mart do you just open up a box of Tampax and stick one in,
cause it was there?"
- "F-U-C-K!!! This isn't the bottle with the acid. Hey!!! Who's got my Budweiser???"
- "Dude, I just puked on your cat."
- Pick a random person within reach, turn them around and say, loud enough for
all to hear, "Personally, I would rather suck the semen out of a dead
donkey's dick than join you and your wife in a little "backyard fun."
- "I must say, m'am, you look splendid. And your daughter has easily a three-cock mouth"
- Wow, I didn't expect your wife to be that much of a bitch!
- Jeez, what a dumb party. Did you say your daughter was here?
- I overheard this one in college in 1990:
"I'm not a racist," . . . [pause] . . "I think EVERYONE should have their own nigger."
- Them: "Blah...blah, blah...blah..."
You: "Ah, you must enjoy vaginal croutons!"
Them: [mixed looks of confusion moving towards recognition...a request of
clarification or ignoring(repeat clearly)...revulsion...a few disdainful
You: "So, you prefer anal croutins...thought so."
- Rise from the chair/sofa all of a sudden and say "Well, I'm going out for a smoke.. or does anyone[of the girls] want to
take it up the ass?"
- I don't know if this really counts. It isn't something actually said. A friend of mine has a glass eye. He'll just take it
out and roll it around on the table for a bit if everything sucks that bad. That usually kills everything for a while, and
gets some weird looks.
- Not too bad but... I was at a boring party one boring night, listening to
girls talking about 80's hair bands like they were gods. The girls were cute,
but I thought 'What the hell' and joined their conversation.
Me: (animatedly) Do you like Bon Jovi?
Girl: (several responded) Yes, yes!
Me: I thought so.
Then I left. I heard later that the stunned silence that followed my departure was... priceless.
- At the partty, go up to as many people of the oppisite sex that you can
and start dry humping them from behind while mumbling gibberish and
afterwards ask them for crack and tell them that you have cheeseburgers.
- YOU BLONDIE i bet your ass is very tight come here!
- four hours and still not horny.
- "Of *course* O.J. did it! He's a nigger, ain't he?"
- "I kill cunts in forests, I have orange, citric
tasting scabs on my asshole and love masturbating over
Jesus's limp body, hanging off that cross."
- Pull you pants out away from your waist look down them and exclaim loudly,"What the FUCK is that?"
- "Talk! Talk! Talk!!! Doesn't anybody FUCK around here????"
The construction company I work for is owned and run by a jewish family.
There are about 35 employees, half work in the office and half in the field.
Every year at christmas we have an office party for all of us non-jewish
people and we have a lame ass gift exchange.
At one point in the party the gifts are being handed out. I am having a
conversation with a superintendent (of course I am shit faced and so is he)
and we are speaking loudly. The conversation is focused on the office
personal and how they deal with our suppliers and subcontractors, the topic
is money and how that affects the everyday operation of the field. The room
goes quiet as we are going back and forth at each other, everyone is focused
I say "theres nothing wrong our subcontractors" and at that moment the
jewish owner of the company chimes in "yeah they are all a good bunch" the
room begins digesting his words of wisdom and then the superintendent says
"well, they would be a whole lot better if you did'nt JEW THEM DOWN all of
the time". You could hear a pin drop.
- (pulling pants from ass) "don't you hate it when you mean to fart, but follow through instead"
- So (friend), how's that rash on your balls going?
- Hey, is that your dog screwing that duck?
- (pointing at her 2 karat diamond) dayaaaam!! not only
do your knees must hurt- i bet your bung hole is sore