We Twitter, Therefore We Suck

Fri Apr 17 2009 19:17:42

Attrition Staff Twitter

Well, we finally caved in. It's true, and we admit it. Twitter is the "next big thing" (tm), so, as of right this minute, we're all over it like smegma on d2d's upper lip. We are going to fully embrace this most awesome technology, much as we did cascading style sheets, PHP, and Windows Vista many, many moons ago. We seriously want to be on the cutting edge of the internet without having to resort to foolish publicity stunts, and as far as we can tell, every other user on teh webz is doing it, so... here we are.

Please realize that we aren't doing this just for ourselves. We're doing this for you, the faithful attrition reader who visits the site every other month (which used to be weekly until we stopped Data Loss, you jerks) to get a fill of yukks from the Going Postal section. We realize that in today's fast-moving world, people are really, REALLY busy and probably can't digest more than, like, 140 characters at a time, no matter how complex or important the message may actually be. It's a drain to have read and *think* through complex sentences, so we're completely changing our way of thinking.

Therefore, we now Twitter.

And we have a demand. For all of you one million Ashton Kutcher Twitter followers, take notice: we want, nay, we *need* your attention as well. So, either you all follow us and "re-tweet" us (whatever the fuck that means) and help us get one million followers or we will, quite simply, put Ashton Kutcher in a blender. A big one. A blender bigger than his last movie. Well, OK... that's not saying much, but WE'LL DO IT, WE PROMISE. [1] We'll keep you updated on our every thoughts and feelings, once we figure out exactly what "feelings" are (other than the naughty ones, which seem to be a tad more prevalent.) We might also occasionally re-tweet some of the more, shall we say, "stupid" security-related tweets, which will not only give something back to the security community but make us all be able to giggle and point in almost-real-time.

In closing, we just want to reach out to all of our fellow Twits and Twats among you. It means so very, very much to us, and we look forward to seeing you all, feeling your love, and embracing your Twitful Joy as we hold hands and skip along this path of life that Twitter hath given unto us.


*[1] This is a form of parody and is in no way or form intended as a threat to Ashton Kutcher. His last three movies have already done enough damage to him, we couldn't possibly do more.

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