Bless The
Child: A supernatural thriller about a childless woman (Kim Basinger) whose strung out
sister (Angela Bettis) abandons her newborn child (Holliston Coleman). The child is
perceived to be autistic, but when her mother and her husband (Rufus Sewell) come back for
the child, we learn that her specialness goes beyond her disability. She turns out to be
the last Savior for humankind and Basinger is helped by a occult-educated detective (Jimmy
Smits) and the search for the little prodigy continues. This is just
ANOTHER tired
reiteration of "The Omen" that Hollywood still feels they need to remake. (Hey people, they
got it right the first time!) The plot is no different than any other
Satan vs. God movie.
This turkey was directed by Chuck Russell, I guess the Devil made him do it.
Billz Movie Worthiness Scale: D
The Austonauts
Wife: This film is billed as a psychological thriller, but it's yet another remake of
yet another Hollywood film...a sort of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" meets "Rosemary's
Baby". Astronaut Spencer Armacost (Johnny Depp) lost communications for 2 minutes on his
last shuttle mission. When he comes back his wife Jillie (Charlize
Theron), notices that he's
not quite the same. She suspects something sinister, but attributes it to her
pregnancy with twins. After a series of shocking tragedies and a confrontation by a former
NASA big-wig privy to secret information, Jillie starts to believe that her husband isn't
her husband anymore. The pace and feeling of the movie felt collapsed and empty. The
predictably "twist" ending was absurd and a bit insulting as it had not an
iota of
tenability. I am not sure that there was much potential to this movie to begin with.
However, originality would have been a start. Director Rand Ravich was really a space cadet
when he did this one.
Billz Movie Worthiness Scale: D
American
Psycho II:They say that some things are better the second time
around....not this one. Well first of all we find out that the main
character (Mila Kunis) is the only survivor of Patrick Bateman's killing
spree (this negates the entire ending of the first movie.) She
goes on to college and wishes to pursue a career in criminology and
ultimately graduate the FBI Academy. However, her fisrt step is obtaining
a higly coveted position as the sidekick of her instructor (William
Shattner). She has no problem with killing anyone who gets in her way and
undertakes very creative methods accomplish it and arranges
everything so that in
the end it would never point to her and the crimes would be secret and
seamless. However, once you are done suspending your disbelief, which for
me was about 15 minutes into the film you realize that the likelihood of
her getting away with or even going around undetected throughout the film
is absolutely inconceivable. The original movie had a very solid and
tight plot while this film's plot had holes larger than the ass of someone
who'd just been fist-fucked. Which is kinda how I felt after seeing this
disaster. Director Morgan J. Freeman is a Psychotic American for putting
this one out.
Billz Movie Worthiness Scale: D
Billz Movie Worthiness Scale Values:
A = movie tickets and popcorn for 2 (about $40)
B = buy the DVD when it comes out ($25)
C = rent it
D = wait for it to be on cable/pay TV
E = wait for it to be on regular TV
All Hail The Czarina
