What if People Bought Cars Like They Buy Computers?

General Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't know how to
drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers. Imagine if
they did ...

Help Line: "General Motors Help Line, how can I help you?"
Customer: "I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!"
Help Line: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
Customer: "What's an ignition?"
Help Line: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery
     and turns over the engine."
Customer: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all
     these technical terms just to use my car?"

Help Line: "General Motors Help Line, how may I help you?"
Customer: "My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go anywhere."
Help Line: "Is the gas tank empty?"
Customer: "Huh? How do I know?"
Help Line: "There's a little gauge on the front panel with a needle and
     markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the needle pointing?"
Customer: "It's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?"
Help Line: "It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase
     some more gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay the vendor
     to install it for you."
Customer: "What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I
     have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with
     everything built in!"

Help Line: "General Motors Help Line, how can I help you?"
Customer: Your cars suck!"
Help Line: "What's wrong?"
Customer: "It crashed, that's what's wrong!"
Help Line: "What were you doing?"
Customer: "I wanted to run faster so I pushed the accelerator pedal all
     the way to the floor. It worked for a while and then it crashed
     and it won't start now."
Help Line: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do
     you expect us to do about it?"
Customer: "I want you to send me one of the latest version that doesn't
     crash any more."

Help Line: "General Motors Help Line, how can I help you?"
Customer: "Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because
     it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering,
     power brakes and power door locks."
Help Line: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"
Customer: "How do I work it?"
Help Line: "Do you know how to drive?"
ustomer: "Do I know how to what?"
Help Line: "Do you know how to drive?"
Customer: "I'm not a technical person. I just want to go places in my
     car!"