gues what
guess what guess what?!?! KLast night i saw "CLASH OF TEH TITANS"
and it was a vary excellant movie, probaly one of teh best filems i
have seen since "SPEED 2". there was medusas and unicrons
and a Kracklen, and herculees, and arrow and it was a vary quality film
but there was teh best thing too: A CYCLOPS! Cyclops are teh best creeatares
in mythology (that is anciant cultare), and i want to be a syclops one
day so I will write this column like a cyclopes this week AND MAEYBE
I will be a cyclopes soon but i haev to finish some hoemwork first,
stupid cshcool>
ON WITH
THA LETTARS NOW, STUPID HUMANS!!!!1
From:
Fjord Redd
Subject: ID Software
Dear
Jeff-
I
was just wondering, exactly how many times were you dropped repeatedly
on your head as a child? If you ever actually thought you're chances
of getting a job with ID Software was greater than that of a toaster
learning to fly, you're wrong. I hope someday, a MacDonalds manager
takes pity on you and lifts you off the streets to earn minimum wage.
RAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!
CYCLOPES
DONT CARE NONE ABOUT NOne FLYING TOASTARS BECUASE SCREENSAVERS ARE FOR
FAGOTs MORTAL BEAINGS!!! ME NOT CARE ABOUT FJORD REDD EITHER, FOR IT
SI APPARENTLY OBVIOUS HE IS A TINY LITTLE FRUITY FAGOT WHO I SHALL STEP
ON WITTH MY SANDALS I BOUGHT FROM A FINNISH SHOPKEEPAR WITH TEH MONEYS
I GOT FROM SQUISHING FAGOTS AT THE MOUNTAIANS YESTARDAY!!!
HELLO FGJORED
READ, MISTAR FAGOT IN PRISON. I WILL HELP YUO MAKE BAIL! HAHAHAHA NO
I WONT, THERE IS A "THREE STRIKES" RULE NOW SORREY
TO ANSWAR
YUOR QUESTION, MISTAR RED FORD, ID SOFTWAREZ HAS OFFARED ME A MANY JOBS
BUT I WAS TO BIG TO FIT IN THERE OFFICES BECAUSE I AM A CYCLOPES AND
RAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRR I PICKED UP JOHN CARMACKE AND BIT
HIS HEAD OFF AND IT TASTELED LIKE CHOCLATE!!@ CHOCOLATE FAGOTS, HA HA.
RAAAWWR!!!@$, GO BACK TO PROGRAMMING YUOR ENGINE MISTAR CARAMACKE AND
I WILL NOT STEP ON YUOR VARY EXPENSIVE PRITTY CARS NOW OKEY?
From:
Shawn-Paul
Subject: Fan Club/Zombie Issues
Hey
Jeff, I was wondering if it would be all right to start a fan-club
based around you and your website. We could make pins that say "Jeff
K is a L33T HaxOr" and wear them to strip bars, and then maybe the
strippers will say, "You're right, Jeff is a R33T HaxOr", and then
they would come to your house. I know at least eight hundred people
in my school alone who want a fan club for you. Also, you recently
advised my friend that he should in fact NOT kill me, so that I could
become a zombie. I plead that you re-think your advice and allow him
to make me into the undead.
RAWWRARARRARRARRRRRRRRR!!!!!1
YES YUO
MAY MAKE A WEBPAEG TO WORSHIP JEFF K TEH CYCLOPES WHO IS 40 FEET TALLS
AND SHOTS FIRES LASARS FROM HIS EYE WHICH DOES NOT CAUSE DISORIENtATION
OR LOSS OPF DEPTH PERCEPTAIN UNLIKE WHAT COMMAN MEDICAL THEORY DICTATES!!!!
JEFF K> TEH CLCYCLOPS DEMANDS YUO APPEESE HIM WITH YUOR FAN CLUB
AND THEN THE GODS WILL NOT SMITE YUO WITH POWARS OF TEH 100000 PLAGUES:!
HERE ARE WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO YUO IF A FAN CLUB IS NOT ERACTED HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
EREACTED IN MY HONTOR:
1) PLAGUES
OF YOADAS
IN A NESTs!! THES WILL FALL FROM TEH HEAVANS AND SMITE YUOR
HEADS WITH POWARS OF THE UNHOLEY POWAR THEN WHEN YUO TRY TO GO FISHING
IT WILL NOT WORK BECUASE YOADS IN A NEST WILL SMITE YOUR BAIT TOO! SO
NO FISHING!! SMITE SMITE SMITE
2) AND
LO, GOTH FAGOTS SHALL DESCEND FROM TEH HELL AND MAKE YUO LISTAN TO ROBERT
SMITH WHINE AND SINGS "THE LOVECATS" all niGHT!!! THEY SHALL
BE LED BY THEIR GOD, CHUCKLES
McZIGGYKINS 666 HAPPY LOVE DOCTOR SEXY MAN GOTH HEROE WHO WILL
GO ON A HUMPING RAMPAGE AND YOUR LEG SHALL BE VICTAM NUMBAR ONE!!! AND
HIS SEMEN IS PROBALY ACID TO!
3) RRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRR
I DONT NEED A NUMBAR THREE I AM A PSYCLOPS!!! AND SYCPLOPTS MEANS "ONE"
IN HEBREW SO I ONLY NEED ONE!
From:
chi[punkr]
Subject: (no subject)
Uhhh...wtf?
Art thou human? You asked for a job and misspelled words in the
same sentence? omg, and you call yourself 31337!?!?! MUAAHAHAH!
I laugh at you! You suck. Your a miserable piece of poser. You play
computer games and I bet all my cash you use windows. Your SOOOOOOOOOOO
elite man! What a disgrace. Get a life boy! Stop trying to look
cool and give some credit to the real hackers out there making the
internet free. The real hackers who stay up for days at a time coding
so that people can be safer on the internet from script kiddies
like you. Take your pokemon picaboo's and go f00k yers3lf!@
RAWWWWRWRRRRRR
YUOR LETTAR DISPLIEASES ME GREATLY! ARE YUO JERKOSCILEESE, THE GOD
OF STUPID??? PLES SUMMON YUOR POWERS OF STUPID AND MAKE TEH WORALD
A BETTAR PLACE FOR TEH CHILDREN, JERKOSCILEESE, INSTEAD OF WRITING
YUOR STUPID SMARTY MAN EMALE TOO ME MISTAR *REAL* HAXOR! JEFF K NEEDS
A SPECIAL KEYBAORDS TO TYPE ON BECAUSE MY FINGARS ARE TEH SIZE OF
TREE TRUNKS AND THE S KEY IS 50000 FEET WIDES! SEE< WATCH:
S
HA HA
HA! FOR A SMARTY MAN, YUO SHOULD MAEYBE KNOW THAT PERHAPS YUO ARE
NOT TEH ROBOT FROM RISE OF TEH TRIAD BUT YOU ARE INDEED A STUPID GOOMBAH
(AS A CRUEL TWIST OF FATE). LOOK AND THIS WQUOTE FROM YUO WHICH MAKES
JEFF K TEH CYCLOPS VARY ANGRY:
