Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?

A. No one cries when you chop up an bagpipe.

Q. Why is a bagpipe like a Scud missile?

A. Both are offensive and inaccurate.

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman went for a round of golf and

their wives went along as caddies.

While walking around the course the English man's wife caught her foot

in a rabbit hole, tripped up, and landed in a heap on the ground. Her

skirt was over her head revealing that she wasn't wearing any knickers!

The Englishman stormed over and angrily demanded a reason for her

state of undress.

"Well darling," she explained, "you give me so little allowance that I

have to make the odd sacrifice. Usually no one notices."

The Englishman thrusts his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's ten

pounds. Go to Mark's and Spencer's and get some knickers."

Two holes further along the Irish Man's wife caught her foot on a

molehill, tripped up and landed in a heap on the ground. Again her skirt

was up over her head revealing that she wasn't wearing any knickers

either! The Irish man was livid and he angrily demanded a reason for

her lack of undergarments.

"Well darling," she explained, "you give me so little allowance I cannot

afford to buy undergarments."

With that the Irish man thrust his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's

five pounds. Go to Woolworth's and get some knickers."

Three holes further on, the Scottish man's wife caught her foot on an

exposed root, tripped up and landed with her skirt over her head

revealing that even she wore no knickers! Her explanation to her irate

husband was the same as the others. Simply a lack of allowance.

The Scottish man thrust his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's a

comb. The least you can do is tidy yourself up a bit."