All of the talk about the Internet and its potential for business can seem confusing and overwhelming. The Business Internet has a straightforward goal: to help companies make Microsoft (wait, I mean "The internet") a part of their everyday operations to realize the possibilities of the digital economy.

We will start your programming (oops, I mean start our teaching) forget I said the stuff about programming, ok? The DOJ would probably get kinda angry. Shhhhhh.
Anyways, like I was saying. If you buy Microsoft products, it makes your company able to marginally participate (crap, I mean lead and compete) in the global marketplace. With our proprietary (shit, I mean open) standards, you can communicate globally with ease. It goes wihout saying that a solution from a market monopoly (I mean leader) can help your business "take it to the next level" so to speak, and eliminate your competition too.
So anyways, if you use our products, we'll put a link to you on our webpage. That'd be cool, wouldn't it? Sure it would!
Just do us a favor and don't use tht linux stuff, ok? It is incompatible with our software, and who wants that? Not you! You want only the best, and would love to pay for our high-tech operating system full of marginally useful features, I mean, with linux, you have to go and download, and compile, and Microsoft? Heck, we'll throw it right in! With what you are paying, we'll even let 10 concurrent connections happen! How cool is that? Way cool! And if you purchase one of our more expensive products, you can have even more! Now look at how many options you have there... Linux and Apache just give one option, and we give 3. 3 is more than 1, so any preschooler could tell you that Microsoft is clearly better!
And talk about freedom of choice, we offer 3 versions of our world class Windows 2000® Operating system! With linux, there's just the plain old linux, with goofy names like redhat, and slackware, and stuff like that, and SuSE, what the hell does that mean? Who knows! With us, we have names like "Professional®" and "Advanced Server®" and "Datacenter®". And wouldn't you want to tell everyone you are professional, instead of saying you are SuSE? Hell yeah you would!
Anyways, and with that "FreeBSD" stuff, that is bad too. They have satan as their mascot! We have Bill Gates, and everyone knows Bill Gates is God, so God is better than Satan. See, that makes sense! And we got Steve Ballmer too, he is like Jesus. Jesus is better than Satan, so we are better than FreeBSD.
So to wrap up our in-depth analysis of why we are the best, Just remember, are you a God loving professional, or a satanic SuSE?