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=   F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K.   =
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                          Lost and Found
                          --------------

	I sit here alone on the balcony of a not unfamiliar apartment but 
one I have been accustomed to for less then the length of time it has taken 
me to smoke an entire pack of cigarettes (yes I was trying to quit at the 
time but you get my point).  As I listen to the cars passing by and the 
omnipresent breeze carrying its song, and its winged passengers to wherever 
it is that birds go at this time of the year I am reminded, reminded of my 
constant displacement no matter the environment (quite the contrary to my 
apparent complacency to be any given place at any given time). This has been 
an ongoing battle in my head since I was about sixteen years of age, forced 
to face the world alone as a young man, a boy. Given the total lack of 
stability I had at the beginning of this long tiring journey of mine my 
total lack of stability at present doesn't bother me as one would expect, or 
does it? 

	I've moved from the balcony into the computer room to continue 
this rant not because I don't like the outdoors, but because I find 
that I can type much faster and more legible than I can write these days. 
Another casualty of technology I guess.

	This trek I have unknowingly embarked upon has taken me to over 
twelve states in this country and several brief visits to a corrupted 
land far south of where I am now. In all these places I have heard the 
passing cars I hear now, and the same breeze blows whether it be from the 
north, south, east, or west. I guess what I'm really trying to say is 
that no matter where you go you never really leave where you were. The 
same instability is there, the same people are there with only faces that 
change. Sure no two people are alike but no two people are really that 
different either, there are good people, there are bad people, there are 
people you really wouldn't bother pissing on if they were on fire. Most 
importantly of all you are there, the same person you have always been. 
Maybe you have changed some things about yourself but you cannot escape 
from your true self. I don't know if this is what I was trying to do but I 
know now its of no use. 

	In looking at my present surroundings I think I have found a 
location I would like to stay at for a while. The opportunity is here, 
there are people I like to be around here, even the view in certain 
places is quite majestic. Granted it does get rather cold at times but 
hey, you cant have everything. I know it will take some time for me to 
settle into a place of my own but I think its time for me to stop moving. 
I have heard my constant movement about the country referred to as "running" 
and "hiding", but I think of it more as living, and learning. I have 
learned a great many things from a great many people, much of which would 
be considered trivial to most people because they take the world in which 
they live in for granted. I have laid my head on concrete and I have laid 
my head on the pillows of thousand dollar a night hotels. Its still my 
head. 


zens

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