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=   F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K.   =
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                        Technology and Adults
                        ---------------------

I've been flying around the country for the last three weeks straight 
during this last round of speeches. Life has become a blur of airports 
and shuttle rides, but hey, I'm single, so who cares?

Flying on a frequent basis causes one to lose their sense of humor very 
quickly. Especially if you fly Southwest, Continental or Delta.

Flying out of LAX late last September, at the beginning of my latest 
trip, I flew Southwest into Pheonix, transferred to a flight supposedly 
going to St. Louis. The plane was about 90 minutes late due to missed 
connection flights elsewhere in the country. Once boarded, we had to 
divert to Houston to graciously pick up stranded passengers. Then to 
St.Louis, with more delays, and then off to Cleveland, my final 
destination for that particular leg. I should have arrived at 3:40 PM, 
and managed to arrive at 11:45 at night.

Returning to LAX for a few days, a one stop connection flight out of St. 
Louis turned into a five state romp, as we landed in St. Louis, where we 
became 37th! in line for take-off, and then had to land in Kansas City 
because they forgot to load the food on the plane. (Food turned out to 
be peanuts and soft drinks!) Now to Houston, then to Pheonix, then 
finally home to LAX, and only five hours late! Needless to say, my ride 
had long since bailed, and I had to get home in the middle of the night 
on my own...no easy task in Los Angeles!

It turned out I had to return to the East Coast very quickly. I boarded my 
Continental flight, vowing to never fly Southwest again, and everything 
was uneventful upon landing in Houston for my transfer to Pittsburgh. 
Yet, on that second leg of the flight, about ten miles out from our 
landing, there was a huge cracking sound. The pilot informed us we were 
quickly losing hydraulic pressure, and in an attempt to maintain maximum 
lift, were ditching fuel all over the nice citizens of Pittsburgh. 

Landing with excesssive lateral g-forces is never a good idea. The wheels 
touched down, and the forces were trying to throw the back end of the 
plane to the left and around us. We jarred to the left, bounced up, and 
once again tried a left spin. All was fine after all was said and done 
and we were on the ground. A runway full of fire trucks waiting to meet 
your plane is not a pretty sight.

Business done four days later and off to Marshall Space Flight Center in 
Alabama. A huge intercontinental storm was in full force, and I learned I 
was going right into the heart of it on a fucking prop plane! I looked at 
the attendant, and asked if she was sure the rubber bands were wound 
tight enough for this flight.

It wasn't too bad, except upon landing...no luggage! "I'm sorry sir. I 
don't know how it happened, but our computers show that your luggage 
arrived several hours ago in Newark, and have been transferred to a 
flight headed for Amsterdam. Fill out this form and here's a 
complimentary shaving kit."

I arrive at the hotel with my shaving kit, and find my "credit-card- 
guaranteed-and-paid-for-room-with-late-arrival" was not available. 
"Give...me...a...fucking...room...now!" I said. Once inside my room, 
I threw my kit down, I headed out for dinner at the only place available 
in Madison, Alabama...WAFFLE HOUSE! (They don't know what a Denny's is, 
but the banner saying "America's Place to Eat, Americas Place to Work" 
didn't convince me much.

All is fine, I get to the airport for a two hundred mile flight to 
Cincinatti, where I transfer non-stop to LAX. Twelve hours later I board 
the plane. I asked why they were so late, they said, "We lost the plane 
we were going to use somewhere, can't find it, and had to fly one in from 
Pheonix to get you guys out of here." How the HELL do you lose a 747?!

I arrived home, crashed, and woke up to find my luggage on my doorstep. I 
opened it up and grabbed the Pepsi that had flown about twenty-thousand 
miles in the last week and kicked back to enjoy it.

Airlines cannot deliver what they promise. I have not had a single flight 
arrive on time in the last year (50+ round trip flights) yet. They lose 
planes, send luggage to the wrong countries, and literally feed you 
peanuts during transcontinental flights. They cannot get their other 
planes in on time, causing other planes long delays and unplanned stops 
to pick up stranded passengers abandoned by other flights.

I think technology has become an unmanageable drawback to the airlines. 
Back in the days of stickers being used on luggage, instead of bar codes, 
your luggage may have arrived elsewhere than you, but at least not across 
the world from you.

Lost hotels reservations, paid for reservations, didn't become lost. 
Employees were much more able to answer your questions when they didn't 
have to rely on computers for their answers. The computer is never 
supposed to lie, but it is obvious they do, as the computer only does 
what is instructed of it by humans, and humans, in general, are complete 
morons who can barely turn them on, much less use them correctly.

se7en 

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